Indifference Is King, When Confidence Is Absent
The energy of courage, confidence, and conviction is essentially the same as that of not caring about what happens in the least.
Different but same
There is power in surrender, in letting go and either trusting that all will work out or accepting that you can do nothing about any of it.
When you are afraid of something or someone, you feel fear, anxiety, and worry about the future. You can combat this by raising your level of understanding, becoming stronger and more confident, or accepting that the future is unknowable and no one can change what is coming.
In all of these new emotions, all much better than our original fear and anxiety, we can find inner peace. This peace leads us to think more clearly, live a better life, and feel immensely better than the alternative.
The ultimate state is calm, relaxed, and at peace
This emotional and mental state not only feels good but also produces the best results from our activities. The world treats those with calm, relaxed, and free energy a whole lot better than those with tense, nervous, and fearful one.
When I catch myself falling under the spell of worrying about the future, an insanity on its own, I try to find relief from this horrible emotional state immediately. Not only because I hate feeling scared but also because by focusing on the things I fear, I’m inviting them into my life, one way or another, and I don’t want that. Do you?
But why would that matter?
Well, I could think of a million possible examples, but I’ll keep it down to five. Fair? These examples will hopefully illustrate the non-difference in the two seemingly very different mental approaches to combating the thing you fear:
Courage, confidence, and conviction.
Surrender, acceptance, and not giving a flying f*ck.
Bullying or mobbing
Bullies and people who tear down others are attracted to weak, suggestible, fearful people. Why? Because they are weak themselves. They use bullying or other forms of putting down their fellow humans as fuel to lift their sense of self from the lowest depths of misery, where it resides.
Happy and strong people don’t waste time bullying or making others unhappy. That’s the sole domain of the weak, sad, and miserable individuals. It makes sense, then, that they can only terrorize those that they perceive as weaker than themselves. Those who will let them. Those who will, in turn, give them the satisfaction of a fearful emotional response.
Here’s the trick—no response, as in zero f*cks given, or a strong, unmovable opponent both result in the same thing—the bully has no power over them, and they know it. Whether you stand up to bullies and fight them or just ignore them, regardless of what they do, it eventually leads to the same outcome: the bullying will stop.
If you are not afraid of the bully, the bully has no power over you. You can achieve that fearless state by not caring what happens next or by being confident in your ability to stand up to the bully.
Erectional disfunction
I bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you? Ha! The thing with that exceptionally challenging issue most men face, at one point or another, is that it resides solely in the mind. In 99.99% of cases, it’s not a physical problem but a mental one.
How can you resolve such an issue if you happen to be struck limp by this curse?
By convincing yourself that you will stand erect and ready for the battle of lust (confidence). (or)
By completely forgetting that you ever had that issue and surrendering to whatever the hell will happen under those cursed sheets (surrender).
Convincing yourself that you will have full strength in your little friend after having one or more immensely shameful and weak moments of disappointment is a monumental task. I would wager that, in most cases, it can’t be done.
The best “cure” to having erectile dysfunction, then, is to find a way to release the pressure of expectation, thinking, fear, worrying, and performance.
I suggest you make a deal with your lover that since you have to purge your mind of weakness and flaccidness, all expectations must be surrendered. There has to be zero pressure, and your mind must be free of even the slightest thought regarding your performance and the past incident.
Purge it from your mind completely
The best way to do this is to talk openly and explain that you got into your head and must escape at all costs. Therefore, the following week or month of lovemaking will be selfish for both parties, with zero expectations for one another. Release the pressure and just go back to having fun with consent and understanding.
Most importantly, realize there is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to see the doctor. You just have to get out of your head and into a soft, wet, willing, passionate… well, you know what I mean!
The job interview
Imagine three people on a job interview
The first is nervous. He really wants this job and is shaking, sweating, and slightly incoherent during the interview. He needs it emotionally and factually but doubts he’ll get it.
The second candidate is confident. He believes in himself and his worth and feels he will get this job. He is the best candidate possible and deserves it. He is enthusiastic, confident, and persuasive when talking with his interviewer. He emits the vibration of belonging there, and the people interviewing him are impressed by his lack of nervousness and how he presents himself.
The third interviewee already has a great job and just doesn’t care. He took this interview out of fun to explore other options and see what’s out there. Whether or not he gets it is not even a consideration for him. He’s perfectly happy where he is but won’t say no to a great opportunity should it come knocking. He’s calm, collected, and relaxed.
Did you notice how the second and third candidates would be leaps and bounds ahead of the first, all other things equal?
I would wager that the third candidate has the best chance of getting the job out of the three. Why? Because we always get more of what we already have, and the less we care about something, the more it comes to us. This leads us to the next example.
Dating game
Let’s step into a bar or a relaxed environment full of people. Out of three guys, one is really confident in his “game,” the next guy is already in a happy relationship, and the remaining hombre, equal in all other aspects, is single, horny, and on the hunt for a mate.
Who do you think will get all the attention from the ladies?
Most women will target the guy who is taken and then the one who emits confidence. One is “confident and courageous,” as it were, and the other just doesn’t care because he already won the game and has a lovely little dancing partner waiting for him at home. Both emit strong vibes of power and relaxed demeanor and are irresistible to women.
The single dude, other things equal, doesn’t stand a chance. All the ladies will be drawn to the men who aren’t interested in them or those who couldn’t care less about how their interactions pan out. The desperate hunters will go home hungry, while those who have their stomachs full or know that a meal is easy to get will have to fend off the lusting ladies with a broom.
The best way to transition from “single” to “in a relationship” is to stop needing one in the first place.
You can achieve this inner peace regarding relationships by:
Convincing yourself that you are the hottest thing out there and everyone wants you.
Believing (feeling, knowing) that you are already in a happy relationship.
By being so utterly happy being single, that you surrender the need and desire to meet that special someone, as you just don’t need them to be happy.
Health
If you worry about getting sick, being weak, or getting old, you will be in a much worse physical and mental state than someone who is relaxed, accepts their age graciously, and doesn’t fear getting ill or hurt - all things being equal, again.
Why? Well, we get more of what we focus on. If we keep focusing on all the possible things that can go wrong regarding our health or our children’s well-being, we will have more problems to deal with. I’m sorry, but that is just how things work in this universe of ours.
The more you focus on health problems, the more you’ll have. The less you care, as you are convinced you’re okay and will remain okay, or just don’t even think about it, the better your health will be (all things equal again).
Utter indifference and a calm mind in all things
Stress and fear are killers. Purging fear from our minds regarding anything and everything should be our number one goal in life!
We can still do the same things to prevent the undesired from happening, but we must find a way to either be completely convinced that nothing can touch us and that all will be well, or we must surrender to life and find peace in not caring about what happens.
Both result in practically identical emotional and mental states and while optimism and confidence might ultimately be more productive and better, they’re a close match. Since a mindset of not caring is a hell of a lot easier to achieve than that of ultimate confidence and trust, I would say it’s the best mindset in most things in life.