10 Things Your Parents Didn’t Know
10 Things Your Parents Didn’t Know
Do you resent your parents for their mistakes? How to do better and forgive them in the process.
All parents make mistakes, and all children can point out those that most impact them. That's just the way of life. Do better by understanding the following principles.
10 things you must understand about raising children
1. You teach by example, not by your words.
Children see you for who you are, your essence, and your actions, not for who you pretend to be, and they will follow in your footsteps. Don’t tell then, show them.
2. Happy parent = happy child, now and forever.
Being a good parent means being a happy, complete, self-loving, self-respecting individual first. Self-sacrifice is necessary, but neglecting your needs, desires, and hobbies negatively impacts your children's self-worth later in life.
3. Taking care of your relationship with your partner is incredibly important.
It paints a picture of your children's future relationships. Seeing their parents happy automatically makes the child feel happy and safe. Seeing them argue, ignore one another, cheat, or break up does the opposite.
4. The first seven years of your child's life are crucial.
This is when all their ideas and beliefs about themselves, other people, relationships, and the world in general are formed. These will impact them forever. Never assume they’re too young to notice and absorb things.
5. Children interpret everything as their fault.
They internalize words, insinuations, and their parents' sadness or anger as being about them, even when it has nothing to do with them. They will carry these for the rest of their lives in silence, believing they caused their parents pain, suffering, and sorrow.
6. Words matter and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When you declare something negative about your child, you are increasing the odds of them becoming the exact thing you don't want them to be. "You'll never amount to anything," or "Why can't you be like Timmy?" or "If you don't study, you will end up on the streets," repeated often enough, will become the blueprint for their lives!
Always paint the picture of what you want to see in your child as the ideal they already are because that is what they will internalize and become. “You made a mistake, but I know you can, and I trust that you will do better next time because you are smart, strong, and capable.” The latter is now becoming the blueprint.
7. Your kids need only you and almost nothing else.
Your time, love, acceptance, and attention fuel them. Money, toys, cars, and expensive clothes are irrelevant in comparison. Prioritize your time and energy accordingly.
8. Never project your desires and preferences onto your child.
Strive to see, love, and accept your children for who they are, not who you want them to be. Chances are overwhelming, they do not like or want the same things you do.
9. Pretending your demons don't exist and running away from them never works.
That only makes them stronger and tightens their grip around your neck. You need to face your demons (fears, flaws, addictions, depression, anxiety, rage...) and overcome them by processing, understanding, and overcoming them.
Unless you dare to free yourself from your demons, they will transfer onto your children, and you don’t want that.
10. You can never know what the future holds.
What you believe about the world and what your kids need to thrive in it will change with every generation. All you can do is focus on building up core values, inner resilience, confidence, and the ability to think critically and adapt to an ever-changing world.
Teach them it’s okay to fail because that is how we learn and grow. Then, you have to let them go and allow them to do their thing because you don't understand the world they are living in anymore. You need to have faith that they know what they’re doing and will figure it out on their own.
Forgive your parents
Forgive your parents for everything - they didn't know any better.
How could they? Think about how they were raised, and you will likely realize that they did a good job comparatively. Our parents are flawed humans, like you and me. They did their best, however short of perfection that may have been.
Remember, holding onto resentments only hurts you.
As you increase your understanding of people, your resentments and anger dissolve into nothingness. Carrying the weight of resentment destroys your health and happiness.
Forgive everyone as fast as humanly possible, including yourself!
People would do better if they knew how or were able to.
You never know what inner battles people are fighting, so reserve your judgment. As children, we must learn to accept our parents with all their flaws and love them for who they are. After all, isn’t that what we expect of them?
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