Are You Afraid of Having Children Because the Future Looks Grim?
Should you or should you not have children in these perilous times?
This is the question lots of people are asking themselves these days. It’s easy to get all pessimistic and see only the ugly in this world, especially since we are being force-fed predominantly negative news every day through legacy or social media. If I would judge the world based on what I see on Twitter every day, I, too, would come to the conclusion that we are indeed living in hell on Earth or, at the very least, in the end times, just waiting for some apocalyptic fire to consume us all.
The younger you are, the more you fear the world around you.
Young people are petrified of global warming and changes in the environment. They’re scared they will be unable to provide for their future families. They’re afraid they won’t be able to even put a roof over their children's heads since the prices have skyrocketed. They’re scared of war. They’re afraid of new pandemics. They’re fearful of their governments. They’re scared of terrorism. They’re worried about artificial intelligence. They’re afraid of misinformation.
They are all so terrified; it’s a wonder they can still function in society. They see monsters everywhere.
Young people of today are the most frightened generation to have ever lived.
The reported anxiety levels are through the roof, generally estimated to be worse than in times of actual wars, plagues, and famine. They’ve become intensely soft, and they’re either offended or angered at almost anything out there these days. These are facts. I’m not making fun of anyone. I genuinely feel sorry for them. They are suffering. You can see it all around you. Scared faces with doom and gloom on their lips.
But should they be so afraid?
Objectively speaking, no. We are living in the best times in the history of humanity. There has never been a better time to be alive.
For the majority of the world (there will always be exceptions), life is much better than it was for their predecessors. Statistically, people are much richer, healthier, live longer, and there is substantially less hunger, violence, and death among the young, which has plagued humanity for millennia.
We might be crossing the cliff into regression regarding the quality of our lives, but that remains to be seen and is more of a subjective feeling than an objective fact. I am a child of the nineties, and I believe wholeheartedly that those were the best days to have been alive and young. Most generations, apart from the terribly unfortunate ones, would claim this for their era. Did you ever wonder why?
The simple answer is, because we were children then and when you’re a child, at least for the most part, those are indeed the good old days of having no worries, being loved and hanging out with your friends, playing games and in general having a good time. You experience and feel everything much more intensely. In comparison - being a grown-up sucks unless you’re rich, very lucky, or have an overwhelmingly positive mindset.
Objectively speaking, this is the best time to be alive. Subjectively though, it’s anything but.
There has never been this much prosperity, ease, comfort, technology, things, travel, entertainment, health, safety, and peace in the history of humanity. I know, facts have a weird way of arguing with perceived reality. And yet the people of today are the most scared, depressed, and anxious they’ve ever been. Go figure, right?
We can discuss the reasons all day, but we won’t. I’m sure we can agree on the same issues for the most part, things like social media, loss of real social connections, broken families, media bombardment, consumerism, lack of exercise, bad food, and so forth. But as I said, we won’t. This post is not one of those whining articles pointing out all the wrong in today's world. You’ve got more than enough of those. It’s time for some much-needed counterbalance.
Today I wanted to show you a different perspective of looking at the future, especially the prospect of having your own children.
I won’t tell you that everything is going to be OK because the truth is that no one knows what the future will bring.
It’s entirely possible that we shall again be thrown into the jaws of a worldwide armed conflict, find ourselves at the mercy of mother nature, or simply end up on the wrong end of the economic curve. All these things are entirely possible, perhaps even probable.
But here’s the catch, they always were!
And in fact, they were more probable than they are today. Bad things have happened throughout history — floods, earthquakes, storms, wars, oppression, hunger, recessions, etc. Compared to most times before, the era we live in is positively boring! In a good way. But it doesn’t feel that way, does it?
The simple truth is that the fear of the future is the most irrational of all fears, which we all share nonetheless. Since no one can foretell the future reliably, no one can really prevent anything terrible from happening. It’s just life.
We must learn to accept the inherent uncertainty of our world. There is no safety here. There is no certainty, and there never was!
That’s just an illusion, one we cling to like madmen arguing the laws of physics. We crave safety, and we hate change, especially unexpected change. It’s in our nature, yet it goes against everything in the universe.
“Observe always that everything is the result of change, and get used to thinking that there is nothing Nature loves so well as to change existing forms and make new ones like them.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
The whole universe, our planet, the space beyond, everything in nature, seasons, cells within our bodies, temperatures, and energy is constantly in motion, changing, and transmuting. Nothing ever stays still for long. Nothing is eternal. It is much wiser to accept and embrace this fact of life. Go with the flow, don’t fight against it. The tides will drag you with them if you go willingly or if you resist with everything you’ve got. What will happen will happen, and there isn’t a goddamn thing we can do about it but accept it.
“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man.” ― Heraclitus.
Do you want to know a little secret? The world looks grim and scary to a person focused on the bad and looks promising and beautiful to a person focused on the good. It’s all just perspectives. It’s all subjective. One can find happiness in any circumstance and be miserable just the same. Outside circumstances and situations have very little to do with it except in extremes (war, torture, pain). Most of us aren’t being tortured by any outside powers at this moment. But we are suffering. We’re being tortured by our minds. Are we not?
"We suffer more in imagination than in reality." - Seneca.
So what is my point here?
My point is that you do not have power over the world outside you, the circumstances of life, not always and not in the big picture, but you always have power over your mind and your attitude. And this is the only power you will ever need to live a happy and satisfied life.
Things will happen as they will. This is out of our control (war, famine, natural disasters, loss). The difference between a happy and miserable life is made by how we react to them and what we focus on in our minds.
So what has all this got to do with being afraid of having children these days?
Since we can never know what the future will bring, we can choose to be optimistic about it. Deliberately.
Being a pessimist does us no good. We feel bad, and we experience a lot fewer happy moments in what is otherwise the same set of circumstances. It doesn’t improve the chances of a better future, but it robs us of the beauty of today.
I understand the terror in people’s eyes regarding the future.
I see the same signs, especially in the geopolitical sphere, where we seem to be going down a dark path. I also observe the danger of societal collapse and economic troubles ahead. They seem rather inevitable at this point. If I give into this impulse of surrendering to the doom and gloom of our times, I, too may just want to call it quits. But I don’t. Do you want to know why?
Because we as humanity will find a way out of anything, we may cook up. Don’t forget - it’s always darkest before the dawn - but the sun always comes out in the morning.
I understand that today's problems seem insurmountable, but they don’t have to be so in the future. New inventions, new ideas, and new knowledge can change absolutely everything in the blink of an eye. Whatever will happen, we will get through it somehow. It may take some time, but this is what we do. We fall, and we learn. The following era is usually better than the preceding one. So if you’re worried about something that we don’t seem to be able to solve at the moment, lean into the trust of our best men and women. Think of everything we’ve achieved so far. We can do this. We can and will overcome whatever humanity will face in the future: one way or the other.
But more than that, I realize I do not have a choice in the matter. I am alive, and this is the time I live in. As far as I know, this is the only chance I’m going to get, so you had better believe I will make the best of it.
If I fail, if it all goes to shit, if the world ends, so be it. It makes no difference to me. If it ends, it ends. We’ll cross that burning bridge if and when we get there and not a moment sooner. Until that moment, I will do my best to focus on the good in my life. And no, it’s not always easy (understatement), but it is well worth it. It makes all the difference on our subjective level. We all have good people, good things, and good moments in our lives. If we focus on them, life may just end up being wonderful, exactly as it is right now.
Having children, while challenging, scary and difficult at times, is one of the world's most beautiful, rewarding, loving, magical, warm, and exciting experiences.
You will not and cannot understand if you don't have them. I didn’t, either. Nothing compares. Nothing comes even close to the love you will feel for your child and the joy you will experience watching them grow, develop, learn, fall, smile, overcome, and generally simply live their life. Happiness is indeed found in the smallest of moments. In a spontaneous hug, a kiss, a smile. Do not take this away from yourself. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to feel the joy of being a parent.
I’m not saying everyone has to have kids, no. But if you want them and are afraid to have them because of the uncertainty of the future or doubt your ability to be a good parent, don’t.
Nobody is ever ready to become a parent. Nothing is ever perfect.
You’ll make mistakes, just as we all do. You’ll have good days, and you’ll have bad days, as do we all. And yes, not all will end up being good parents, and not all kids will end up being good kids. It’s just life. There is only one way to find out what will happen to you.
Remember, the biggest risk is never taking the risk in the first place. I believe in you!
Before I leave you today, I wanted to tell you about a conversation I had with a friend that made me see things differently at the time. He is a simple kid, unbothered and unphased by the bigger problems in the world — one of those happy-go-lucky people who stay in their little cocoon and thrive with what they’ve got. On vacation, a few drinks in, our debates turn philosophical.
I asked him: “Would you choose to have kids even if you knew for a fact that the world would end in 13 years (for example)?”
He looked up for a second and shot an answer my way like it was nothing: “Yes. of course.”
“But you know he will only live those 13 years, and then he’ll die!” I emphasized.
“It doesn’t matter,” he replies coldly.
“What do you mean it doesn’t matter?!” I ask, slightly in shock.
“Because if I choose not to have him, he will never get to live even one day. I'll never get to know him. He will never experience life at all. This way, at least he gets 13 years, which is 13 years better than none!” he replied.
He’s right, and since we don't know how much time we have anyway, we might as well take what we’re given and make the best of it. Becoming a father myself, I would never change anything about it, even if the word ends today. I got to know my little girl and shared some magical times with her.
These are the most precious moment of my entire existence. The small things.
The first time I held her in my arms. Every time she comes to me on her own and gives me a hug or kisses me. When she does or says something surprising. In these moments, time stops, and life is beyond beautiful. It’s perfect, just as it is. Treasure these moments, for they are fleeting. Kids grow up, they move on. Change comes and turns your world upside down. Be present with your kids.
Choose to focus on the light, on the good, and see your life transformed.
The irony is that nothing has to change in the outside circumstances, but your experience of it all will be on another level. You are where you are; there is no point lamenting over it. You, too, don’t really have a choice. This is the time you live in, the life you were given. Accept it and make the best of it.
If you want to have kids, by all means, take that leap of faith!
You’ll figure it out as you go. Besides, you’ll never be ready, it’ll never be the right time, and you can never guarantee them a safe future. And stop worrying so much. What will be will be, and whether you shiver with worry or if you sing with joy makes no difference whatsoever. So you might as well sign, dance, and love with all of your heart!
Be well, my friends.
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