Count Your Blessings, Not Your Problems
Happiness Manual - Chapter 6: Train your mind to always focus on the good, despite the bad, and you will be happy with what is.
This is chapter 6 of a 13-part Happiness Manual. Subscribe, as there is more to come!
Happiness is nothing more than a mind accustomed to thinking about the good more than the bad, in a universe where both are always present.
Focus on the good in your life
We have already established that the way your mind thinks determines how happy you feel, regardless of external circumstances.
We have also explained why it’s important to make happiness a habit, your default way of thinking.
While today’s chapter is focused on the practice of counting your blessings, the point is to reprogram your mind to see more of the good, despite the presence of bad, in any situation.
Milk, milk, milk the good vibes
When we contemplate all the good in our lives, what we have, who we love, who loves us, what we have experienced, where we’ve come… we experience pleasant emotions.
On the other hand, when we think about what we lack, who and what we hate, the bad things that have happened to us, and where we failed… we experience unpleasant emotions.
Our general feeling, mood, and perspective will depend almost entirely on how much time and attention we spend on each.
These thought patterns and emotions compound. They determine how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, our place in life, the world, society, and which future we believe is more likely.
Happiness is nothing more than a mind accustomed to thinking about the good more than the bad, in a universe where both are always present.
The Ancient Story of the Two Wolves Inside Us All
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he says to the boy. It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves.”
“One is evil—he explains—full of anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
“The other is good—he explains—full of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”
The grandson thinks for a minute, then asks his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee replies: “The one you feed.”
Create a habit of focusing on the good
Make it a daily habit to list as many things you’re grateful for, that you like, appreciate, and would miss if they were gone, about everything you possibly can.
Morning routine
I think about or write a long list during my morning coffee.
I’ve created a habit that is the exact opposite of doom scrolling on my phone or thinking about my problems.
It makes all the difference to how I feel, while nothing else needs to change!
This, however, is my maintenance level training
I am a reasonably happy person who already tends to focus on the good, as I’ve done “the work.” Nowadays, all I have to do is take a moment and feel gratitude for all my blessings, and I’m in seventh heaven.
If you’re a Negative Nancy, a chronic pessimist who calls himself a Realist, or can’t see the good in any situation, you will have to up your game for a while.
Push yourself. Challenge yourself. Brainwashing ain’t easy, but it’s honest work. Why? Because you have trained your mind in the exact opposite of the state that is conducive to happiness. You have work to do! You need to unlearn those thinking patterns if you want to feel happier by default.
Happiness and gratitude mental progression workout
Make it a fun challenge to find anything —however small, past, present, or future —that you are grateful for.
Challenge yourself to list 50, 100, or more things that you can be grateful for, big or small.
Do it daily. Keep refocusing on the good in your life. It’s there. I assure you.
List everything you would miss if it suddenly disappeared from your life. Realize it can happen at any time.
List the good things that happened in your past: your victories, desires that came true, and challenges you overcame.
List all that you like about something or someone, even when you don’t like most other things about them.
Challenge yourself to find the good in what you believe to be overwhelmingly bad.
Find a reason to be grateful even when nothing is happening, and life seems to suck. When nothing is moving, every day is the same, there are still things that could be a whole lot worse!
If you did an honest accounting of the amount of time and thoughts you spend on things that aren’t good, and compared it to the time you spend on the opposite, you would realize why you’re such a miserable (or happy) person!
Exercise for the week ahead
Do the above exercise as deeply and as often as possible. In a week’s time, you can fill out a whole notebook of things you are grateful for.
You might struggle at first, but after listing 100 things you’re grateful for daily for a week —or even better, twice a day, preferably without repeating much —your gratitude and happiness muscles will grow like crazy.
When you list the good, milk it! Feel just how much love and gratitude you have for those things, people, and events. Repeat: “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” - and mean it!
Put your hand on your heart and really feel how lucky you are, because you understand that it can all be taken away from you in a moment, and you will cry for times as good as these.
I know it’s cringe and you’ve heard it all before, but it works! Again, what have you got to lose by giving it your best?
Coming soon
Chapter 7 of the Happiness Manual - Reframe seemingly negative situations as positive. See you soon!