Dear Daughter, Don't Stare at the Obstacle - Look at Where You Want to Go
We are naturally programmed to focus on the problem before us. This only perpetuates the issue. Instead, train yourself to focus on the solution.
Dear daughter,
You are still a young little girl as I write these words. Today, as we were out and about, you struggled with riding your bicycle. Constantly looking down at the pedals, you are running into walls, other people and swerving all over the place. You lose momentum whenever you look down, and your feet slip off the pedals.
There is nothing worse, apparently. Screams for help and raging cries of desperation are echoing everywhere. The whole city knows your struggle.
You don’t do well with failing (yet), and whenever something is challenging, your first reaction is to give up and whine about the difficulty. Don’t worry, love. We’ll be working on your resilience. We have to.
Life is no picnic, and perseverance separates the winners from the losers.
You’ll be met with plenty of challenges throughout your life, so the phrase “I can’t do this” will be eliminated from your vocabulary!
There is nothing you can’t do if you give it time and effort. You can and you will. It just might take a little longer. So what? Time will pass anyway.
I keep reminding you that you need to look in the direction where you want to go and not down at the problem. As per usual, you keep ignoring me. Your skills aren’t the problem; neither is your capability. I struggle to keep up with you when you forget the pedals and flow into the ride. That tells us you’re strong enough and can do this easily.
You must trust yourself and focus on where you want to steer your bicycle.
But then you allow your doubts to creep up, look down, and stop. Rense and repeat. That is such a good analogy for life, my darling girl.
Always look in the direction where you want to go, not at the obstacle in your path.
When riding your bicycle, running, driving on the road, or working toward some goal in school, career, or business — always look in the direction you want to go, not at the obstacles along the way.
For example, that is a common mistake people make when driving their cars or motorcycles. One of the first things they teach you in an advanced driving course is to keep your gaze focused on the point in the near distance where you want to drive. You must find a path around the obstacle, out of the curve, always looking at your exit.
If you encounter a surprise obstacle on your path, the worst thing you can do is stare at it. This only guarantees that you’ll crash into it.
Imagine driving down a twisty road, and as you turn behind the blind corner, a vehicle is parked smack in the middle of your lane. You don’t have time to stop. If you stare at the obstacle, you will crash into it. You cannot drive past if your gaze is fixated on the problem.
The correct reaction would be to notice the obstacle, make a quick calculation if you can safely stop (which includes checking your surroundings behind you and on the opposite lane), plot a course around the obstacle, and focus on where you want to drive.
Then execute the maneuver as smoothly as possible. That doesn’t come naturally to any of us. We must learn it and then practice it until it becomes instinctual. That is true when riding bicycles, driving your car, or in life.
We are wired to obsess about the problems and obstacles on our path, but that is always counterproductive. Look toward the solution. Find a way out. Plot a course around the issue.
Your body will follow where your eyes point, my darling.
Don’t look at the obstacles and problems and get bugged down by the odds of overcoming them. Instead, focus on where you want to go. You’ll find a way. Trust yourself as I trust you. You’ve got this.
Love, Dad
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