How Many Times Will You Get to See Your Grandparents? It's Less Than You Think
On why it’s important to spend time with loved ones and express your love while you can.
Dear daughter,
You are young and full of life. Time has no meaning for you yet.
It is the last thing you think about. As you get older, it will become more and more important. Time is the one thing you will always have less as you age. You may gain friends, money, knowledge, and things, but never time.
"Time and tide wait for no man." — Geoffrey Chaucer
Time is ticking away.
Every day gone by is a day lost, never to be returned. It’s no abstract thing, my love. You will lose your loved ones with time. Their time is ticking much faster than yours. Someday, what will inevitably seem too soon, your grandparents will leave this world. The people who love you unconditionally and always brighten your day will be no more.
Regrets.
I don’t have many regrets in my life, but the ones I do hurt my heart. I loved my grandparents, whom you’ll never meet, and I miss them dearly. Life sprints for young men or women, and priorities change daily. That is all well, but don’t forget to spend time with your loved ones when you can.
Someday soon, you will no longer be able to.
I lived a fast life for a while. Studying, working, and having fun took me away from my family. I saw them less and less. It’s perfectly normal. It’s life. The young must spread their wings and fly out into the world, seeking new adventures. You must forge your own path. Make new memories. There is a price you pay for flying too far away, though. That price is the loss of the people you leave behind.
You won’t know how much you miss them until they’re gone.
I still remember the news from all of my departed loved ones. An emptiness that descends as they are no longer there. The thoughts and emotions that run over you like a train at night.
Were they happy?
Did they miss me?
Have I seen them enough?
Did they know I loved them?
Were they aware of how much I appreciated their love and support?
Time has run out, and there are no second chances.
I have regrets, as I said because I could have spent more time with them. I could have visited them and shared some lovely memories. I could have made their days a little easier and sweater. But I was busy. There was never enough time until time ran out. I know now it was a choice. A matter of priorities. It always is.
Time is hard to quantify and understand, so let me help you.
If your grandparents are sixty years old, and you:
See them once a month. You will, at best, see and talk to them about 300 times before they are gone forever.
See them once a year. You will, at best, see and speak to them about 25 more times.
If your grandparents are seventy years old, and you:
See them once a month. At best, you will see and talk to them about 180 times.
See them once a year. At best, you will see and speak to them about 15 more times before you say your last goodbye.
If your grandparents are eighty years old, and you:
See them once a month. You are, at best, going to see and talk to them about 60 times until you can’t anymore.
See them once a year. You are, at best, going to see and speak to them about 5 more times before they are gone forever.
I’ve taken into account that they are perfectly healthy and will live to see their 85 birthday. In truth, most never will. They will say goodbye a lot soon. Some as soon as today.
Every time you sit down with them could be the last time you get to enjoy their company. Every visit you skip is one you’ll never get back. Every word, unspoken, may remain unspoken for eternity.
This shouldn’t be a morbid thought but one of loving realization.
Death is a part of life. One day, you are here, and the next, you’re gone. It’s the most natural thing in the world. You shouldn’t fear death. Not your own and not those of your loved ones.
How you understand death will depend heavily on your beliefs. I don’t know what those are. I can only tell you that the people who have died are not the ones suffering. The ones left behind are.
We miss them. We want to express what we never got the chance to. We want to hug them and ask their advice. We want to see them happy and smiling and share beautiful moments of our lives with them. When we no longer can, it hurts. We feel an immense emptiness in our hearts and lives for a while.
Time heals all wounds.
Time takes, but time also gives. It gives opportunities, and it offers healing. Whatever happens to whomever, whenever, know that you will be just fine. It may take a while for your heart to heal and adapt to the new reality, but you will.
Our departed loved ones never really leave us as long as we hold them in our hearts. We can always close our eyes and see them, hug them, and talk to them.
Don’t worry about time and death.
I didn’t want to make you feel sad with this letter. On the contrary, I wrote this as a reminder:
To stop you from making the same mistakes so many of us have made. Before it’s too late.
To encourage you to spend time with loved ones even when you’re busy.
To inspire you to express how much you love them.
To save you from regrets.
Time may be slipping away, but we always have a choice in how we spend it.
Remember - there are no second chances when it comes to time.
Spend it wisely. Study, work, have fun, and go on adventures. But every once in a while, remember that there are people who love you and whom you love dearly, who miss you and would love to see you again sometime soon. Take the time for them. Make those precious memories while you still can. Make them your priority as they have made you theirs.
We regret the things we didn't do, words we haven’t said.
If you keep the passing of time in your mind, you will have fewer regrets. You can now enjoy the time you spend with your loved ones more presently, mindfully aware it is a pleasure that won’t last forever.
Never take things for granted because life has a horrible way of reminding us that nothing is permanent. It loves nothing more than change. Change is always just around the corner.
Enjoy the relationships and people in your life, and make the most of them. Someday soon, perhaps in a few decades, perhaps today, you won’t be able to anymore.
"The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot." — Michael Altshuler
Love, Dad.
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Wise words!
Just called my grandmother. Thank you ✔️