I Hear The Call of Silence - It's Time to Let Go
I Hear The Call of Silence - It's Time to Let Go
Every once in a while, I feel stuck and overwhelmed. That’s when the silence comes calling.
We are thinking animals, so we rely on our minds to solve all our problems. We analyze, plan, visualize, hope, expect, and work hard to achieve our goals. But what do we do when none of that works for us?
If you have ever felt stuck or delved into the metaphysical aspects of achieving goals and happiness, I’m sure you’ve come across advice like:
Live in the now.
Don’t think, feel.
Trust your intuition.
Don’t plan. Go with the flow.
Let go and let it happen.
I am an obsessed overthinker, over-planner, and control freak. I must hold the universe together, or it will instantly fall apart. I won't get anywhere if I don’t plan and execute every little step in my life. That leaves me in constant battle, fighting the tides of time and the flow of life.
It’s not only exhausting but also ineffective, even counterproductive.
When I delved into the topic of the connection between mind and matter, it opened up a whole new world, but it led me down a dark hole. The belief that I have to control everything was not only magnified, it exploded.
If my thinking, emotions, and energy influence the world around me, literally or metaphorically, then I am responsible for everything that happens to me—every minute of every day.
Coming across advice on how to visualize every day ahead, see your future in your mind, use affirmations to override your limiting beliefs, and command the universe to do your bidding was like heroin to me. It gave me a sense of control, power, and hope. But with that came an immense understanding of my responsibility for everything that happens.
Yes, your mind, beliefs, and emotions do influence your life. Maybe even the universe in some way. I have seen it proven in a million different ways in my life and the lives of others. There are things that defy any other explanation. It was empowering and frightening at the same time.
Most importantly, it was a trap!
I have trapped myself in future thinking, dreaming of a better future, all the things I want to become, achieve, and have. I was perpetually trying to squeeze the universe for more, more, and more. Sometimes, I got what I wanted. Other times, I didn’t. Ironically, I always got what I feared the most. Fear is a strong emotion, and beliefs surrounding it are indeed a giant magnet for problems.
I was consumed with desire.
When you know that you can have everything you want, you begin obsessing over your desires. You are encouraged to dream big. The bigger, the better. It makes sense in this metaphysical world of manipulating reality to do your bidding.
If you can become anyone you want, why not target the best?
If you can have anything you want, why settle for enough?
If you can achieve everything, why stop now?
The more I thought of desires, the more I achieved them, and the more I was consumed with this principle and the perpetuating wheel of more.
I wanted an apartment. Here’s your apartment. Great. Now I want a bigger one.
I wanted a new girlfriend. Here’s your new girlfriend. Great. Now, I want a better relationship.
I wanted to make a yearly salary in just one month. Great. Now I need to double that and double that again!
I wanted to travel. Here’s your adventure. I want more. I need more. I crave more!
I wanted a motorcycle. Here’s your bike. After a day, I would dream of getting a better one.
Desire is the enemy of happiness.
While this process is self-perpetuating and normal to the extent that it probably happens to most people on this journey, it is the enemy of happiness. You can never have, be, or achieve enough. You are always planning, dreaming, and living in the future. When you feel responsible for everything, you can’t take a break. You have to hold the ranes of the universe together, remember?
That, my friends, is no way to live!
If nothing is ever enough, how will you ever be satisfied?
If you are never enough, how can you ever hope to be happy?
If you are responsible for everything and everyone in your life, how can you ever take a break?
How can a king take a day off?
He can’t! His kingdom will descend into madness. There will be chaos. Blood will flow through his streets. Revolt is hiding behind every corner. His enemies are plotting against him as we speak. They don’t rest, so neither can he. The minute he relents, they will come in force to get him!
When this king realizes that what he sees in his mind, the images, voices, things, people, and situations somehow manifest in his reality, the grass won’t grow without his help anymore. The rain won’t water the crops. The sun won’t come out in the morning. At least, that is how he feels.
At first, it is intoxicating and empowering. In time, though, it becomes overwhelming and exhausting.
Holding the universe together might be easy for a God, but even the best of mere mortals would crumble at the feat. Well, I’m no God, and I have often crumbled.
I have spent every minute of my life planning, wishing, visualizing, journaling, and affirming my life to rein in chaos and randomness, forcing the universe to do my bidding.
How does one sleep when he could spend this time creating a better future?
How does a King let go of control when he knows his enemies are out to get him?
How does he let go when he has learned that he is the one holding the very universe together?
These enemies aren’t people with swords or guns. It’s his own mind.
His limiting beliefs. His fears. His negative emotions. Other people’s doubts. Hidden insecurities. Old mental programs are just waiting to come out and take over his life the moment he lowers his guard. He knows they’re waiting in the shadows. Regrouping. Hidden, not dead. Waiting for the chance to strike and burn down everything he had built. It’s hard to be a king, indeed!
Regardless of your beliefs in the power or irrelevance of your mind, you, too, must sometimes rest and let go. Whether it’s your job, business, newsletter, art, children, or family - you can’t control everything all the time. You don’t have power over everything. Even if you did, that would simply be overwhelming. You and I both need rest from time to time. If we don’t take it, we will burn out. It’s only a matter of time and severity.
The pattern repeats over and over again.
I can only speak for myself, but I see a pattern of built-up energy, success, and then utter destruction of it all, repeating in my life. Not just mine. I’m not alone in this.
Perhaps it’s our old programs (enemies) winning over us.
Maybe it’s the recalibration of the universe back to the norm.
It could just be life in the sense of seasons.
Or, I could be one unlucky self-sabotaging moron who keeps ruining everything good in his life.
I don’t know the answer to this particular enigma. All I know is that whenever I push too far, work too hard, or have a modicum of success, somehow, for some unforeseen reason, everything will be taken away from me, whether I’m the one doing the burning or just a casual observer of the universe at work.
One would think this happens when the king from our story lowers his guard and lets go of control, but no. This particular jester, pretending to be a king, only sees success WHEN he lets go of control.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.” ~ Lao Tzu
When I give up, surrender, and let go, the universe smiles upon me and gives me all I want. Never a moment sooner. Never when I demand it. Never when I think and wish and work hard for it. As long as I pretend to have power over the universe, the universe pushes against me. When I relent and give up, everything is served to me as if on a silver platter.
It should be freeing, but instead, it’s infuriating.
The more I desire, the less I get. The more I don’t care, the more yielding life becomes.
The more I resist and push against life, the more life pushes back. The more I step back, the more life comes toward me.
The more I try to figure things out, the more elusive the solutions. When I stop trying so hard, the answers come on their own.
Suppose I need a job?
Bills need paying. There is no choice. I know what must be done. I will do my internal work and apply to hundreds of job ads. It makes sense, doesn’t it?
Not in my little corner of the universe. I’ve been there and tried that over and over again. It has never, not once, worked. I have hundreds upon hundreds of rejections in my mailbox. The harder I try, the more the universe laughs at my face and punishes my arrogance.
It only ever happens, without exception, when I let go.
When I honestly, and not just platonically, give up. When there is nothing more for me to do. I’m cornered. There is no more hope. I concede control to the gods and randomness, curse them for making me believe I can have a better life, and utterly give up.
Only then will the universe check up on me and say, “So, I see you realize you have no power here. You cannot force your will upon me, foolish mortal. You needed to be put into place. You needed to suffer so greatly that you have finally given up. You shall have only what I desire for you and not a penny more. I am in control. Not you. Silly fool. My will be done, not yours!”
I then float through life, not necessarily in despair, but in the sweet relief of nothingness. No plans. No desires. No hope. No force. No doing. No thinking. No expectation. Nothing.
Then, I am able to live in the now moment.
I can forget the future, as I can’t control it anyway. I can let go of my desires, as I’m obviously not getting any of them. I realize I have no control, only the illusion of it, so I just stop. Stop dreaming. Stop thinking. Stop planing. Stop expecting. Stop directing. Stop hoping.
These moments, days, weeks, and sometimes months (but never more) are rare and fleeting in my life. They are magical, though. While I’m the most desperate and life is at its most hopeless, I am free. I am free from the responsibility for my life and the universe.
The king realizes he is a court jester.
He willingly submits and makes fun of himself. His life is forfeit. There is no hope for salvation. There is nothing more to do. He is not only ready to live for the rest of his life without ever getting anything he wants. He is ready to die. He exists in the moment, free of the pressures of the future. There is no future. Not for him.
Every day he is allowed to live is a blessing.
Every breath he takes is sacred.
Every smile he receives is a kiss to his soul.
Every coffee he drinks with a loved one is a conjuring of the planets. Time stops. There is only bliss.
When there is no hope, there is acceptance.
When there is no want, there is satisfaction in enough, however little that is.
When there is no future, now is wonderful.
When there are no expectations, every moment is a miracle.
When there is no more fight left in him, there is only surrender.
And then something unfathomable happens.
It’s a time of miracles.
A call comes in. Impossible odds are defied. The message finds you. Ideas begin flowing. People come and visit. Employers call me. Money floods from unexpected sources. The body heals. Random encounters happen as if some grand director had staged them.
All I have to do is say “yes” when the universe comes calling.
Yes to anything. Yes to everything. I have nothing left to lose. Yes is change. Yes is walking through a new door. Yes is accepting new opportunities. Yes, to the unknown is a kiss of trust in the universe.
Love for life transforms into love in my life. Happiness with nothing transforms into joy in everything. Surrender becomes victory. Death of the ego is the birth of something more. The mind secedes, and something greater takes over. The universe opens its doors and welcomes me back into her loving embrace—every single time. When I am completely broken and have given up any hope, I stop all my thinking and doing.
An eternal dance the universe and I are trapped in.
Sometimes, I lead. Other times, I am led. But the moment I force my will onto life, life not only steps on my toes but throws me out of the ballroom!
I’ve made some progress. I’m feeling confident. I’m making plans and setting expectations again. I feel this pull of taking control and forcing my will upon the universe. I need to make money. I want to achieve this. I desire such and such. I am a wilful force pushing against the tide. I make some headway, sure. But the sea always has the final word.
I feel myself slipping into my old ways again, this time with writing.
I write more. I publish more. I study more. I want more. I want it sooner. I need it now. The universe is watching. The jester thinks he is king again. The time for truth is coming. The hammer is raised, it need only be released upon my head. I see its shadow up above.
I hear the call of silence. I hear it’s time to step back. I feel life pushing back. I’m trying too hard. I want too much. I need something, and I’m trying to force the universe to give it to me. Alas, that is now how this game works. Not for me, anyway.
It’s time again to stop and:
Live in the now.
Don’t think, feel.
Trust my intuition.
Don’t plan. Go with the flow.
Let go and let it happen. Whatever will happen.
Thank you for reading. Be well, friends. I hope the universe is kind to you today.
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