Dear Daughter - How to Improve Your Understanding, Empathy and Communication?
Dear Daughter - How to Improve Your Understanding, Empathy and Communication?
Here is the key to understanding people, improving your relationships, and expressing yourself effortlessly.
Dear daughter,
If I could teach you one thing that will help you understand and accept other people’s perspectives, beliefs, and opinions, it’s this:
We may live on the same planet, but we live in entirely different worlds.
Your worldview is unique and dependent on your upbringing, family, social circle, deep-rooted beliefs, and the particulars of the bubble you’re you live in.
This bubble consists of news, social media, who you talk to, and what you read and watch. We all get different results in an era where one can curate their own experience.
It’s become glaringly obvious that we are seeing a completely different picture when we look at the same situation. Sometimes this concerns significant issues like war, politics, environment, health, and philosophy. Other times is about the little disagreements among loved ones.
Remember the following, and your life will be incomparably easier:
We never see the same things the same way, and there is no point in convincing other people of the validity of your point of view.
They either get it, or they don’t. You’re not changing anyone’s mind.
All you can do is either accept it or walk away.
When looking at a movie, some people will enjoy it and find it the best movie ever. Other people will genuinely suffer the whole time and find it the worst. The same goes for music, taste, art, and even beauty.
In every war, there are, at the very least, two sides. From both sides, their particular cause, rationing, rights, and intentions are right, just, and good. The other side will never see it that way. From their point of view, the story is diametrically opposed. The first group is the enemy, bad and evil. They are in the right. Even God is on their side.
The left-leaning politicians will never see eye to eye with right-leaning ones on most issues. And both usually represent roughly half the country. It’s the same on most political and societal issues. We hold different beliefs, and objective truth is not a factor in these discussions because we all believe that we are the arbiters of the truth.
Men and women see the world altogether differently. We think, rationale, and feel things differently. Our priorities, values, and inclinations differ. We don’t even express ourselves and talk in the same way, which causes a myriad of problems in every relationship. We can learn to understand the other side, but it doesn’t come naturally. Until we accept this fact and find a way to bridge this gap between us, we are in perpetual conflict, disagreements, and confusion.
Lately, there have been signs of extended division in society.
In the digital age, we get to curate our online experience and the content we consume. Our worldview on any particular subject will vary immensely depending on what we follow and consume. Some people have a problem with that, but I don’t.
I see it as the most natural evolution of society. We were always very different. We just didn’t have the means to express ourselves and connect to like-minded individuals.
Artificial unity and suppression of alternative opinions, viewpoints, and voices are never good. It’s fake and forced. It’s not reality but a mask.
Be honest about who you are and what you believe.
As long as you, my darling girl, pretend to be someone you’re not, you will encounter people and groups where you don’t belong. You’ll be in constant inner struggle, discomfort and will feel misunderstood.
I don’t know how long this freedom to be who we are and express ourselves freely will last, as it is being constantly attacked by people who cannot stand the fact that people see things differently and accept that their point of view might not be the only one, or indeed the right one.
Only weak-minded people call for censorship and oppression of other views and opinions.
Their own beliefs stand on weak fundamentals. It tells nothing of their intelligence or the correctness of their ideas, only their weak convictions and vulnerable egos.
The people you grew up with, your family, friends, and neighbors, aren’t necessarily “your people.”
You may have lived in the same area and time, perhaps even found each other’s company pleasant for a while, but this is by no means a guarantee that you will get along and see the world the same way as you grow up. That is not a bad thing, but you do need to accept it.
Find your own tribe. To hell with people who won’t accept you as you are. You don’t need them in your life. Let them go. Forcing these interactions will only bring you misery.
One of the most elusive secrets to happiness is surrounding yourself with people who support, understand, and accept you for who you are.
That will, however, make it harder for you to see and understand other people’s points of view.
The more you close your own “same-minded” bubble, the more you emphasize your group's particular point of view, and you all get trapped in an echo of self-repeating and confirming voices. This is a genuine danger for all of us.
So challenge yourself and expose yourself to opposing views from time to time. Stay in contact with people who see the world differently from yourself. Expose yourself to other narratives, evidence, and explanations.
The truth is that none of us really know the absolute truth, anyway, if there is such a thing in the first place.
When you talk with people holding diametrically opposed views and beliefs from yourself, remember these guidelines below, and you’ll find that you can conversate and debate anyone without either getting upset:
Always remember that truth is elusive, and understand that neither one of you has all the information required to know the absolute truth in almost any matter. Stay humble and open.
Truth is rarely on the extreme end of any opinion, belief, or narrative. It’s somewhere in the grey area and in the compromise. It is also quite possible that it is completely hidden from view.
Express your opinions as precisely that, opinions. Ensure the other side understands that you are not saying they’re an idiot, and wrong, but simply see things differently. Offer your ideas as personal opinions and perspectives only, not some holy truth. You’ll find that making this distinction will make things much easier in your relationships. Insisting that we are right and the other side is wrong only puts us on ever-distancing opposite fields.
Better yet, especially on the more divisive subject, pick your battles and don’t waste your energy arguing, convincing, and fighting people who see things differently. Chances are overwhelming that it’s a waste of time that will only result in you feeling bad and the relationship taking a hit.
Always try to see any situation from different angles. Examine their point of view and why they have formed it. Perhaps you have a blind spot. Maybe you don’t see something they see. You could be missing a crucial piece of information.
Try to understand the other person’s perspective and put yourself in their shoes. Connect the dots, and see where that leads you. That is the basis of empathy!
Most importantly, always judge things with your own mind! Examine the facts, educate yourself on the subject, see all the different sides of the argument, but then make your own conclusions. Never just mindlessly follow other people’s opinions. Find what you believe to be the closest thing to the truth yourself, and keep in mind you could be wrong.
Be open to other people’s input, but always know and understand WHY you believe certain things. It’s the only way not to feel personally attacked when people say something you disagree with. It also helps you stay firm in your beliefs, resist manipulation, and stand your ground on solid principles and values.
If you understand your WHY, no one will be able to make you do things you don’t want to do. It makes you ungovernable, resistant to manipulations and emotional extortions, peer pressure, and the opposite of a spineless side-switching idiot.
Observe the world around you, darling, and notice how what I’ve written to you today is prevalent in every aspect of your life. We are all different and live in a different world while sharing this one planet.
Once you understand this, life, society, and relationships will make much more sense.
You will then be ready to carefully navigate the treatures waters of conversations with people you disagree with. You’ll be resistant to manipulation.
You will know who you are, what you stand for, and why. You’ll also understand that there are inconsolable differences between us.
We will never all see eye to eye on most things. It’s just a fact of life. It may make life more difficult, but it’s one of the wonders of individual existence and uniqueness.
Unfortunately, that is most likely true for you and me as well.
We’re a generation apart, my darling. The world I grew up in and the world you now live in are not the same. We will have our share of disagreements, I’m sure of it. Don’t hold my lack of understanding against me, baby girl.
I’m doing the best I can, but I am also trapped in my own worldview and cannot see things as you do.
That, however, doesn’t mean I don’t want to; I honestly can’t. I can respect this difference of perspectives, especially if you are willing to help me understand it by explaining why you believe certain things. Even then, the odds of us seeing eye to eye on everything are essentially zero.
Listen to my point of view and reasoning. Let’s have these debates, but then, make up your own mind!
Even if it goes against everything, I believe. Even when you know I don’t approve or understand. If you know your WHY and UNDERSTAND things better than I do, you’ll forgive the old fool for believing what he does. I am, after all, only human.
I may not always understand you, but I ACCEPT YOU.
I may not always agree with you, but I LOVE YOU.
I may not always express myself best, but I RESPECT YOU.
If you extend the same courtesy to me, we’ll be just fine, baby girl.
Love, Dad
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