Tragedy Strikes and You Lose Everything - How to Focus and Handle the Situation?
Tragedy Strikes and You Lose Everything - How to Focus and Handle the Situation?
Bad things happen to everyone. How we react to the situation makes all the difference. Fear, anxiety, and worry can be mitigated if you know how.
As I write this article, my country is experiencing one of the most extensive flooding in its recent history. Thousands of people will lose their homes, cars, and other property. They will feel the impact of this tragedy for years to come as they rebuild what was destroyed. These are challenging times for anyone impacted.
Whether it’s a natural disaster, an accident, or some other calamity, remember what truly matters.
Are the people alive? Are they okay?
The rest is trivial in comparison.
If the answer is yes, you’re going to be okay. It’s unpleasant and will cost money, but you can replace things, while you can’t replace people.
Life is unpredictable and fragile. We can never know what tragedy will befall us. We should feel immensely grateful and happy for every moment we live in peace, prosperity and surrounded by our loved ones.
These are the good times, but they never last. Bad things will happen to us in this life. It is inevitable.
Some of these events are under our control; others are not.
We can be more careful when driving, for example, but there could still be some freak accident, a surprise around the corner, or a drunk driver, that can take that control away from us.
We can be prudent and choose to buy a house in a place that isn’t located in historically flooded areas, but then an earthquake or an avalanche can still wipe us out. A moment of carelessness can also cause a fire that burns down our house.
We can only ever control what is in our power and must learn to accept that not everything is.
We are never truly safe. Security and certainty don’t exist on this planet!
The fact is, sooner or later, something terrible will happen. If nothing else, we will live long enough to see our friends and family die of old age and diseases. Some tragedy is unfortunately unavoidable in life.
That is not a reason to despair and feel pessimistic but a call to wake us up to the realization that if all is relatively alright in our lives and the lives of our loved ones, we should feel happy and grateful for every moment of our days.
Never take what you have and the people in your life for granted. Remind yourself daily just how lucky you are!
Tell them you love them, enjoy what you have, and never assume that things can’t change. They will. It’s only a matter of time.
Think how much you’d miss the things, situations, and people you currently have in your life if they were taken away from you, and realize you have a lot!
How to handle tragedy when the unexpected hits?
First and foremost, focus on the people. Protect your life and the lives of the people around you.
Material things, while painful and expensive, are irrelevant in such situations. Houses can be rebuilt, cars replaced, and your favorite mementos are nothing but memories that aren’t gone with the things themselves.
It’s not fair, and it’s not fun. I know. But that’s life. It happened. You need to accept and deal with it to the best of your ability.
No amount of whining and fretting will make the tinniest difference except make you feel worse in an already terrible situation. Choose to be strong and stoic because you don’t have a choice. Forget about what was, as it’s not anymore. Be in the moment and focus on the task at hand. Only that task.
People were always surprised by my composure in these situations.
When anything material was damaged or lost throughout my life, like when my uninsured car got totaled, I always shrugged it off as if it was nothing.
Fun fact, my girlfriends destroyed two of my cars and one motorbike. I never cared at all as long as they were alive and well. I never held it against them and ended up consoling them, telling them it was okay. These things happen.
Yes, it sucked, but my priorities are and always were clear. People over things!
If you’re okay, everything is fine. Fuck the cars, money, and things!
Shit happens, and we will deal with it to the best of our abilities. I never blamed them for their mistakes. It’s life. We all make them. I’m no angel myself.
After a tragedy, collect yourself and then assess the damage you incurred.
Make a plan for saving what can be saved, repairing what can be repaired, and then let go of all that is lost.
“Leave the dead to the dead” is the only saying, but in our case, we’re letting go of our attachment to material things. By far the easier challenge, but a challenge all the same. Especially if those things meant a lot to us.
Then begin working on it, one step at a time.
Don’t think about how monumental, challenging, and long-lasting this project will be. Focus on the task before you and get to work. Call the insurance agency. Begin cleaning the mud and removing the debris. Start emptying the totaled car, and make some calls to sell the wreckage.
Focus on the next task and then the next. It might take a while, but the job will be done eventually. One step at a time. One day at a time.
If your expensive car is totaled or stolen, remember that most people don’t have them and are doing just fine. If your home was destroyed entirely, remember that many people have even less. More importantly, you’re alive, and no one got hurt.
If you had insurance, you’d still be ahead of the majority of the world’s population. People will lose their homes or will have to clean and fix them. It’s absolutely tragic from their perspective. But not having a home of your own is the reality for millions of us. Billions, in fact. You do remember all the people who rent, right?
It’s no solace, only a reminder that, while incredibly unpleasant and painful, it’s not the end of the world. If others can survive without their own home, so can you. You’ll be alright.
It could have been a lot worse. Imagine the pain if you had lost a loved one in this tragedy.
“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”―Helen Keller
Enjoy the things but don’t get attached.
We all get used to having things and get emotionally attached to them. That is a mistake. We should never take them for granted or assume they can’t be taken away from us. Life doesn’t work this way. Eventually, we will leave this world with nothing anyway.
Enjoy the things you have while you have them, and be thankful for them. But if and when they are taken away, do not let that ruin your life.
Base your happiness and a sense of identity on things that can’t be taken away, not material things, status, reputation, or a home.
Would you be able to be happy and at peace if you had lost every single material possession? How about every penny you own?
If the answer is no, you are just asking for hard times down the line. We can live with very little and still live good happy lives. This is not the problem. The problem is downgrading and our desires.
Just in the last week, I found out that one of my friends got testicular cancer, and another has been tied to the bed for months and couldn’t even wipe his own ass because he damaged his back. The third one’s practically new car was stolen, and in a few days, many people from my hometown will return to a flooded home.
Shit happens to us all. I’ve lost everything material multiple times, including all my money and everything I owned. I don’t have a lot, but that doesn’t make it any easier. One does get a bit resilient with repeated exposure, unfortunately.
I’ve also experienced what it feels like when your body gives up, and you are barely holding on to life and have lost a few loved ones in the last two years. There is no comparison!
To hell with the material things, as long as you have your life, health, and loved ones!
Fix your priorities and focus on what really matters to you.
The biggest mistake I see people make is financially overextending themselves.
Money and things should bring us joy, comfort, safety, and peace of mind. If they take that away, you’re doing something wrong.
Buy the things you can afford to lose and replace them without worry. Get what you can properly insure, secure and maintain. Never allow material things to become your jailers! They need to add to the quality of your life, not detract from it.
There is a world of difference if your car got stolen and you had full insurance coverage (or it’s worth little) versus if you had gone into debt and couldn’t afford to insure it.
Similarly, if you live in a cheaper home that got annihilated but have enough money to last you a few years while someone else sank every last dollar they had into their home, you won’t perceive the tragedy in the same way. Furthermore, if you rent, you pack up your things, what’s left of them, and find another home to rent.
The same situation, but the pain is incomparable.
Unexpected things happen in life. You lose your job, nature throws a rage party, and accidents happen. Put yourself in a situation where you can recover no matter what.
I know I am a weird one, but I feel incomparably safer and calmer when I have some money in the bank, and rent my apartment, than when I have no safety net and an apartment to call my own, especially if it’s tied to a mortgage.
I also feel more relaxed driving old cars than new ones, which cost ten times as much but serve the same function.
Then again, my life is not one of prosperity, consistency, or linear progression. I had apparently chosen a different, more challenging path. So be it. The lesson still stands.
When disaster strikes:
Focus on the people and their lives. Help each other. Nothing else matters at that moment.
Don’t lament the material losses, no matter how severe. Shit happens. They’re just things. You can replace or fix them. You can also live without them.
When the time comes to begin salvaging the situation, take it step by step. Focus on the next task, and don’t get distraught by the overwhelming situation.
Minimize the potential for disaster by:
Planning ahead and taking the essential measures in case of danger.
Only buying what you can afford to insure, replace and maintain, not overextending your financial capabilities.
Having a safety net in liquid assets.
Mental alignment:
Accept that unpredictable things happen and assume it’s only a matter of time before they happen to you.
Realize that death is the great equalizer. The rich and the poor end up in the same ground and take nothing with them to the other side.
Detach your identity, emotions, and happiness from material things. Anything that can be taken away shouldn’t matter to you, or you’re asking for suffering.
When bad situations happen, be pragmatic and don’t lament the losses. Focus on what can be salvaged and look toward the future.
Stoics would tell you to “practice misery and loss,” adapting to the emotions before disaster strikes, but I wouldn’t necessarily go that far. However, thinking ahead and having a plan B might not hurt so that you know what to do if shit hits the fan.
The only way to truly enjoy the things and people in your life is to let them go mentally. Be prepared to lose it all, and focus on being thankful for all you are given.
Failure to achieve this equanimity is constant fear, anxiety, and worry. That will make life miserable even in the good times.
We can never control what happens to us, but we can choose how we react to what happens.
When disaster strikes, be the shining light and a beacon of strength for others. Do what you can, and let go of the rest. It’s the only path to sanity and happiness in a Universe filled with unpredictability and uncertainty.
Whether you’re in the good or the bad times, always remember - this too shall pass.
Stay strong, and to hell with all that was lost. Kiss your loved ones, and be grateful because if you have your health and someone to love, you are one of the lucky ones. The rest doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, it often takes a tragedy to remind us of this fact.
Rereading this article, I realize I might come off as cruel and insensitive to tragedy. I don’t mean to. I understand that any such event in your life is devastating. It’s one of the worst tragedies we may have to go through in our lives.
The problem is that crying about it and feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t help. You need to refocus your priorities, accept the reality of what has happened, and focus on what you can do NOW. There is no other choice.
Stay safe out there, and I hope all is well with you.
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