Why Do We Get Emotionally Triggered?
I get triggered, you get triggered, we get triggered—trigger warnings everywhere. What is this sorcery, and who should we blame?
We’ve all seen the memes of those crazy-eyed white women getting triggered and bursting into rage tantrums, screaming at anyone nearby, and literally shaking. Admittedly, that is some peculiar human behavior. Is it a sign of strength, helplessness, intelligence, or something else? Let’s investigate.
This is an introductory article as a part of three on the topic of triggers. In the following two articles, we’ll be talking about
Whose fault is it that we got triggered?
What can we do about it?
Can we program those triggers for our own benefit? (hint — oh yes, we can)
You’re getting angry at the wrong person. Other people aren’t responsible for managing your emotions and catering to your feelings — you are.
What does it even mean to “get triggered?”
It simply means that when you encounter some outside stimulus or signal—that can be anything, from words to sounds to images to tastes—your emotions awake in a sudden blast of rage, sadness, fear, or some other intense emotion, usually unrelated to what triggered it.
Why do we get triggered?
We get emotionally triggered by associating a particular “trigger,” whatever it is, with some memory, idea, or belief. Our instinctual emotional response is then deployed, corresponding to what we felt when we programmed that trigger within - consciously or unconsciously.
Here are a few examples of people getting triggered:
When an obese person who is ashamed of being obese sees someone use the word “fat” in whatever context, they are mentally transported back in time, when someone was mean to them, for example. It could just be their inner voice.
When a woman focused on fighting for women’s rights, or one who has suffered trauma connected to men’s poor treatment of women, sees someone write things in male form, it triggers her unconscious response to resist the misogyny and patriarchy, even if there was no such intent in the author's publication.
When a homosexual hears the word “gay” get thrown around, even when it is not targeting him or any other homosexual, they get triggered because they associate that word with their own shame and nonacceptance from themselves or the greater community. A straight male might be triggered by being called gay if they are unsure of their sexuality or lack self-confidence regarding their manliness and strength.
When someone who recently lost a loved one sees images of death and suffering, it triggers within them the same emotional response as when they actually lost someone special. It doesn’t matter if the trigger is in a movie about something completely trivial; it could even be an innocent joke, and they get triggered in the worst way.
Suppose someone had been cheated on in a previous relationship, and the other person used to say “trust me” a lot when confronted but ended up being a cheater. In that case, whenever the new lover uses those exact words - perfectly reasonable and unrelated - the betrayed person will get triggered, as all the old emotions will flood back.
PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) is another excellent example of getting triggered by unrelated things, like loud sounds for war veterans, as an example. Hearing the sound of firecrackers going off transports them back onto the war front immediately, mentally and emotionally.
I am by no means trying to belittle the triggering response. It’s real, and we all get triggered by random things.
Some just keep it to themselves, while others make a scene, and some have a better handle on their emotions than others. But we are all susceptible to being triggered.
False triggering for publicity
We have to mention the very real possibility that not all who claim to be triggered are actually being emotionally triggered but pretending in order to virtue signal and make a point. Spread their message, as it were.
This is especially prevalent in public spaces and has become a popular way of signaling that “I’m a good person because I care for all those who could get triggered and feel hurt by these words. I am their hero and protector. I’m compassionate and sensitive to their struggle, and now elevated in status as I have noticed the flaw in your content and made it public. By revealing that you are a bad person, I have now become a certified good person.” They might not be aware that that’s why they’re doing it, but they most likely are.
A funny personal story of my relationship triggers
I always waited before getting into a new relationship until I got my ex-girlfriend entirely out of my system and my mind. Why?
Because I noticed that if I don’t take at least a year off from dating, the new girlfriend triggers me for all the things that angered me with the old girlfriend.
An innocent remark, gesture, or some silly little thing she did was recognized in my mind as a repeating, undesired behavior that used to drive me crazy. I instantly got so angry that I often called out my new girlfriend by my old one’s name. Trigger and programmed response at play.
As you can imagine, that didn’t go down very well. I wish I were kidding! I couldn’t help it in that moment. The trigger worked, and within me awoke someone I didn’t like and couldn’t control, full of rage and resentment.
The new girlfriend was completely innocent in this situation, yet she received the unwarranted and undeserved flak, and I had a lot of explaining to do.
I’ve noticed friends get triggered for similarly silly things
Perfectly innocent questions like:
Have you finished college, or what is your education?
You’re vegan? Is that even healthy?
How are you so skinny?
What’s the weather up there like (that was me)?
How come you’re still single?
Are you planning on having kids? If not, why don’t you want to have children?
Do you intend to get married?
Why don’t you know about this and that?
Why are you so quiet?
What do you do for a living (me again)?
Sir, where’s your mask (I can feel the triggering intensify as I write)?
Yeah, you know them too, don’t you? Perhaps you are one of them. It’s okay. This is a safe space. No judgment here, friends. We’re all bloody under our skin.
What is common to such triggers?
The most important bit is that they have nothing to do with other people.
They’re just discussing “normal to them” topics of conversation like money, education, kids, relationships, health, or jobs. They might simply be curious and mean no offense.
It has everything to do with our own insecurities, self-confidence, self-acceptance, and past experiences. We’re the ones who have a soft spot they unintentionally punched.
It has all to do with us and nothing to do with them
Why attack others, cancel them, or resent them for just talking?
They don’t know these things trigger us. How could they?
We must understand they don’t mean anything by it and aren’t at fault here. It’s not personal. We merely perceive it as such.
You’re getting angry at the wrong person. Other people aren’t responsible for managing your emotions and catering to your feelings - you are.
You can’t expect others to be able to read your mind and know what triggers you—that’s irrational.
If you want people to know what triggers you, then tell them (friends) or avoid triggering content in the first place (online, public content).
However, if you want to take responsibility for your emotional state and forever free yourself from being so easily emotionally manipulated, which is what getting triggered means (intentional or unintentional), you’re the one who has to do some work - on yourself.
In the following article, we’ll examine the prevalent internet-triggering plague, how to heal those triggers within and become trigger-resistant, and why you really want that.
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What are your triggers?
I want to hear from you.
Do you have any peculiar triggers?
Have I perhaps ever triggered you with my writing?
Fine, you can also explain to me why screaming at random people is better than dealing with your own shit and why your emotional well-being is everyone else’s problem except yours. Knock yourself out! :)