Happiness and Circumstances - Does Your Situation Matter?
Happiness and Circumstances - Does Your Situation Matter?
How important are your life situation and personal circumstances to your perception of life as happy or miserable? What makes us happy?
"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts." - Marcus Aurelius
There are many studies and articles on what makes people happy. They’re all problematic and, from my point of view, irrelevant because they only look at outside circumstances and can’t see inside people’s heads. Why do I say this?
I believe they have it all backward
Rich people aren’t happy because they’re rich. They’re rich because they’re happy.
Married people aren’t happy because they’re married. They’re happily married because they’re happy people.
Healthy people aren’t happy because they feel good. They feel good and are consequently healthy because they are happy people.
Gross generalizations, of course, as we’ll discuss below. How could any of those studies incorporate this factor into their data? They can’t because it’s all so terribly subjective. Thus, they are flawed and irrelevant.
Here’s another point we have to consider. Suppose the following is true for a lot of people, and we’re talking millions upon millions here - they are both:
Rich and are still miserable.
Married and are still miserable.
Healthy and are still miserable.
Then, those circumstances or situations aren’t the deciding factor. They can’t be. Sure, they can help in a statistically significant way, but that’s about it.
If you’re an unhappy person, getting healthy, wealthy, or married (random three examples) won’t automatically make you happy! You’ll probably just be a miserable, healthy, rich, married person.
“No! Circumstances matter!” I hear you protesting
Fine, let’s go slightly deeper and see if you’re right.
Sickness doesn’t matter
“I’m sick and in pain, so I can’t be happy! I must insist that you bugger off and let me wallow in my self-pity and misery. Move along now.”
Are you saying that if you were healthy, you would be happy?
How many healthy and happy people do you know?
Have you ever met an unhappy, miserable, depressed, but otherwise perfectly happy person? You have, haven’t you?
That’s because even disease doesn’t matter. There are happy and miserable, healthy and sick people. I’ve met people with severe disabilities, even those waiting to die, who were more at peace and generally in a better mood than those who were in perfect health in every possible way, and vice versa, of course.
Money doesn’t matter
“I’m poor, have no money, inflation is killing my future, my job sucks… I can’t just be happy! I can’t afford the basics, much less all I want! Go and f*** yourself with this nonsense. It’s easy for the rich to be happy, but not us poor folk.”
So, you’re telling me that you would be happy if you had more money?
Do you honestly believe having more money would make you happy?
Does money buy happiness? Always? When?
Have you ever met, seen, or heard about a rich person who has it all but is absolutely miserable?
Don’t you know how many famous, rich, and successful people only manage to get through the day by using tons of drugs or getting stupid drunk?
How many celebrities have you read about who committed suicide or died of an overdose? Did money and success bring them happiness?
Have you never met a poor person who was inherently happy and in a cheerful mood? Really?
The truth is that there are happy and miserable rich and poor people. Money makes very little difference here. It’s all in the individual's mind.
I honestly believe that money doesn’t change people—it just enhances who they are. Money can help matters, of course, but the deciding factor will always be your mind!
If they’re generally good and happy people, they become rich, good and happy people.
If they are miserable, anxious, or evil people, they become rich, miserable, anxious, or evil people.
I have seen what money does to people who aren’t ready for it mentally, and it’s not a pretty sight. it does a lot of thing, making them happy and content is not one of them.
Relationship status doesn’t matter
“I’m all alone, single, without lovers or even friends. How am I supposed to be happy, you dirty bastard? You have love in your life, and you don’t know what it’s like to be so lonely! I can’t be happy and single, so beat it with your privileged love life!”
I promise this is the last example, but it’s the same with everything you can think of.
So, you’re saying that single people can’t be happy? Or people without kids? Really?
Do you think you would automatically be happy just by having a wife, husband, or kids? Look around you! No, seriously - look!
Are all couples happy?
Are all families happy?
Are all married people happy?
Are all single people miserable?
No! It doesn’t matter. Furthermore, if you want a happy relationship and family, you must first become happy all on your own. Otherwise, you’re entering the relationship compromised, relying on other people to make you happy and that is just a recipe for misery!
There are happy and miserable single and married people with or without children. Outside circumstances may help, but they don’t guarantee anything. I’m happier being in a relationship and the happiest I’ve ever been being a father. But here’s the key point:
I’ve also been miserable in relationships.
I’ve also been lonely, unhappy, and miserable while single.
I’ve been happy as a single person and am now happy as a family man.
My life is far from perfect. I’ve just learned to mold my mind to my liking, for the most part. This is good news, friends. It means happiness is not some unattainable, far-fetched goal that depends on outside circumstances and other people—the things you can’t control—but is solely in your power to achieve. All it takes is some determination and perseverance until the mind gets retrained into thinking better thoughts. That’s all there is to it.
The solution is to become a happy person regardless of circumstance
Your mind, the thoughts you are thinking most of the time, and your general predisposition will be the deciding factor in whether you perceive your life as full of happiness or misery. It’s not about what you have or don’t have in your life. It’s about WHO YOU ARE!
Answer these questions and find out your basic disposition right now:
Is the Universe malevolent (bad) or benevolent (good)?
Is life generally full of happiness with moments of suffering, or is life generally suffering with fleeting moments of happiness?
Is the future bright and exciting, or dark and terrifying?
Your answers to these questions will reveal your general disposition. That disposition, your attitude, will determine how you perceive everything and everyone in life. It will tell you what you usually focus on and how you generally feel most of the time.
Did you know that different people see the same situation entirely differently?
It depends on their attitude, past experiences, beliefs, judgments, biases, and desires.
What is good for one will be bad for another.
What is hell for me, might be heaven for you.
What is beautiful for her might be disgusting for him.
Having different perspectives on everything is normal and, I would say, even fun. How horribly depressing would life be if we all saw everything the same way, desired and feared the same things, and thought the same thoughts? Boring!
We’ve all lived different lives, consume different content and practically live in different universes. Here’s the important question, though:
How is your perspective and attitude working out for you?
The beautiful thing about it all is that we are free to change our minds—quite literally, friends. If the way you think is making you miserable, anxious, depressed, or negative, then I suggest you change your thinking. If it doesn’t feel good and isn’t producing the desired results in your life, it has to go!
It comes down to a straightforward decision:
Do you want to be happy or miserable?
And yes, it is most definitely a choice. One you’ll be making every day of your life. No outside change will make a dent until you change how you think about things. You can retrain your mind from a miserable, dark, thought-generating machine to one that is capable of focusing on the light and seeing the good in everything.
Nobody is forcing you to stay stuck. It’s okay to want to be a happier person, and no, the world won’t end if you stop thinking about all the bad in it and refocus your attention on the good—a small change with a profound effect on the quality of your life.
Train yourself to look for the good in everything, disregarding the bad
We all have our specific situation or a pool of circumstances. Some of which we like and others that we hate. We might:
Be overweight or too skinny.
Have a hairy back, be balding, or have crooked teeth.
Be single or a single parent.
Be sick or disabled.
Have a shitty job we hate or are unemployed.
Have no home or carry the weight of a large mortgage.
Be poor and have nothing to our name.
Be too tall or too short.
Suffer from an addiction, anxiety, or crippling fear.
Live in a big city with its problems or live in the country with its problems.
Be white, black, or some other color we might not prefer.
Live in a social environment with very few opportunities or one with high expectations of us.
The list is endless.
The fact is - you are where you are, and you are who you are
There is no point pretending it’s not true, nor does it help to fight the reality of your situation. We all have our own problems to deal with and some advantages and deficiencies on our path. It’s called life.
We can bitch about them, crying because some people are more fortunate than us, or we can accept our situation and try to make the best of it. Regardless of your circumstances, there are always things you can look forward to and things you can be grateful for.
You can live a good life, even if it’s not picture-perfect, as the false ideals of social media or Hollywood might have convinced you need in order to be happy. It’s all a lie, an illusion, insanity even!
We need very little for a good, happy life
Our basic needs to be covered and some love, basically. The rest are our desires, most of which aren’t even our own. If you can read this post, you have far more than most people in the world and uncomparably more than almost everyone who has ever lived throughout human history. Were they all destined to be unhappy and live miserable lives? Of course not! Neither are you.
Comparison is the thief of joy, friends. Focus on what you have and what is attainable, and learn to enjoy them fully. You’d be surprised how this simple mental switch can change how you perceive yourself, your life, and the world around you.
"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." - Marcus Aurelius
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