Advice to Young People: Have Children as Soon as Possible

Are you telling me I must have children?! I wouldn't dream of it. Regret is real, though, and the happiness of being a parent is immeasurable.

Mar 01, 2024

Advice to Young People: Have Children as Soon as Possible, robot baby — Image created by “AI tool Microsoft Bing Image Creator powered by DALL·E” - the author has the provenance and copyright. Robot Baby is there just for dramatic effect and hopefully not a vision of the future.

Yesterday, I heard some advice that caught me by surprise. It was from the mouth of a prominent media figure about what he would advise younger generations. The man said something along these lines:

“Have children as soon as possible, just after high school, if you can. Soon and many. You will never understand how much that will improve your life. Children are the single biggest factor in one's happiness. They are the ever-giving source of joy that just keeps on giving for the rest of your life.“

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I wholeheartedly agree

I have been listening to the advice from my parents, who indeed had children right after high school. Mom was 18. Dad was 20. Of course, none of them went to college, both had jobs, and six months after I was born, they were assigned an affordable and safe rental apartment by their employer. Different times - better in this regard (Socialist Communism in Yugoslavia).

I always made fun of it, thinking it was just some nonsense parents say because they want grandkids.

Turns out I was wrong

While I was late to the party, becoming a father at 38 years old, my life is incomparably better now than ever before. And I lived a good life, full of travel, girlfriends, sex, and socializing. At least, I thought it was a great life (given what I had to work with).

I am generally a happy person, so I was no miserable, lonely fuck feeling sorry for himself, even when all by myself. I keep busy and have plenty of projects and hobbies I love and always have. I don’t know the meaning of the word boredom.

I was happy before, but I’m levels happier now - there is no comparison

As I write this post, a friend texted me that he was thinking about how exceptionally interesting you have to make your life if you don’t have kids when you’re older (not old) so you don’t end up wanting to “off yourself!”

He’s not wrong and is about to become a father at 43, I think. From where I sit, the man has always lived an amazing life. He opened my eyes to the wonders of freedom and travel. I’m not sure he was ever really happy and content, though. I can’t wait to see how he feels after becoming a father. It should make for a fun ride.

I see it my friends. The ones who are successful beyond measure, but seem miserable all the time. They invent new and new things to keep themselves busy and complicate their lives, but they can never fill the void that is haunting them. They know something is missing and no amount of money, cars, reputational benefits, or adventures can fill it. I’m not saying it’s a family… (the sound of birds chirping)

I didn’t even want kids until I was way over thirty

I wasn’t ready and had not yet met the right mother for my future children. Some were too crazy and wild (which is exciting in bed, less so in real life); others were eternal children themselves. I remember telling myself I didn’t want to raise two kids simultaneously, the baby and the mother. Anyway, it wasn’t meant to be.

The thing is, now I wish I had them sooner. If I had only known what I know now! Perhaps I would have.

I was told that you handle being a parent more easily when you're young

You have more energy, and you complicate less about things that don’t matter. It’s all true. While I’m still relatively easygoing, most people my age are a frustrated mess! To put it mildly, it results in a difficult parenting experience. Don’t you just hate it when your parents are right? I know - it’s the worst!

I don’t regret not starting a family sooner, as there is no point in dwelling on the past

There was just no way I could have them with my lifestyle, issues, finances, and mentality. I realize I am infinitely wiser now and undoubtedly a better parent than I would have been when I was basically a kid myself.

Still, we would have found a way. I’m sure of it. I know I would have grown expediently, had I become a parent sooner. I wouldn’t have a choice. Men without children are just children. Cliche, I know, but it’s true. Becoming a father changes a man or at least it should!

A lovely thought

By now, I could have the privilege and pleasure of watching my own kids as grown-up, fully-formed individuals. As it stands, who knows if I’ll get to see them grow “old,” so to speak, and I would have liked to. I’m also unlikely ever to meet my grandkids, though there is always hope.

Why do children give us so much happiness?

I don’t think it’s possible to explain this to someone who isn’t a parent. I’m just being honest. If you have pets, you know how they improve your life, right? Multiply that by a billion!

I had a dog once, and I loved that girl with all my heart! I thought that was the most I could ever love and enjoy another living being (until she died way too soon and broke my heart). I was wrong. There are levels to love, and the experience is not even close. I’m talking light years apart.

I didn’t believe it when others told me so, and I know you don’t believe me now. It’s okay. Besides, for various reasons, not all parents will be so happy.

Holding them in your arms for the first time is an indescribable joy

“You’re a parent now!” It hits you. It is a frightening but also immensely fulfilling thought. The first time I held my daughter in my arms, mere minutes after birth, remains the most beautiful and precious moment of my life. If I could only keep one memory, please let it be this!

Watching them grow is a precious moment you never get back

Even just observing them as they explore the world for the first time, fully present, with their innocence and a sense of wonder, are some of the best things you’ll ever experience. If you’re there, that is - with your mind and body.

Every phase of their development has its magic

The first conversation, the laughter, the tickling, the play, the lessons, the falling and getting back up, the improvements and growth are all interesting, fascinating, and fun. I love them all.

Sure, not everything is fun, and sometimes they can get on your nerves or keep you up at night, but that’s all a minor inconvenience in the big picture.

Kids grow up, but pets don’t

One day, your children will become young adults and fully grown, self-sufficient people. Unless you screw something up in your relationship, they will be your best friends forever!

Someone to visit you, call you, and share your life with. Family is the best thing in this world, and I genuinely cannot imagine a life without my parents and, now, my two girls. I don’t want to. I feel sad for everyone who never got to experience the warmth, safety, and love of a good family. Sure, kids can survive everything, but they should have to.

Warning - don’t have kids if:

You’re a miserable person thinking they will solve all your problems!
For the most part, they will amplify your baseline, not save you. You’re responsible for yourself. Never delegate that power to others, and don’t burden your kids with your bullshit.
You’re thinking about having kids to save a shitty relationship!
Don’t! Just don’t. It’s wrong on so many levels, and I see it all the time. Kids don’t fix broken relationships. They put additional pressure on the cracks. You’re guaranteeing your children will have a fucked up childhood because you’re a coward and aren’t willing to break up or fix what is broken!
You are going through a rough patch in your life.
Solve your issues first, and only then have children. They’re a sponge, and you don’t want them inheriting your crap! While some miraculously change when we become parents, not everyone does. Become a good, stable, happy person first, and only then start a family. Build it on solid foundations.

No, I’m not telling you to have kids

Nor am I saying you can’t be happy without them. I speak only what I believe and feel personally. Your life, your choice. You’ll have to live with the consequences one way or another, as do we all.

If you don’t want them, then you shouldn’t have them for a myriad of reasons I won’t go into. I’m sure you’ll be just as happy without them, or at least I hope so.
If, however, you do want them and are postponing starting a family because it’s not the right time, you haven’t saved enough money, the world is a dangerous place, apartments are expensive, and so on, then I would politely advise you to just go for it.

Take the leap

Trust yourself. You’ll figure it out, and no, there will never be a perfect time to start a family. That’s not a thing. If you wait too long, sorting everything else first, you might end up having problems getting pregnant or giving birth, as you won’t be a spring chicken anymore.

You don’t know what the future holds, and despite how dark things sometimes look, I still believe it will be bright overall. You’ll be fine. Kids don’t need much. Material things mean nothing to them. Money means nothing to them. They need love, a sense of security, and the essentials. You can always provide those. The rest is optional icing on the cake.

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