Why I Don’t Fear Death and Why You Shouldn’t Either - Thanatophobia

Are you afraid of dying? Why does thanatophobia stop you from living? How to overcome the fear of death? How to die before you die so that you may live fully?

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They say that all fears can be traced back to the fear of death—death of body, love, ego, or reputation. Death is the final frontier, the last unknown that awaits us all. We make up stories of what happens after we die, and we may believe in all sorts of afterlife options, but we will never know the truth until it is already too late. The good news is that we will eventually find out. I suppose that’s also the bad news.

I am surprised when people are so terrified of death and all these silly attempts at reaching some kind of eternal life. Sure, it sounds nice, but only if you haven’t thought deeply about what it would be like to live an immortal life. Then it quickly becomes clear it’s more of a nightmare than a dream come true. 

Before I explain why I’m not afraid of death, let me ask you this: 

Why are you afraid of dying?

Have you ever thought about it? I mean, really thought about it. 

• Is it just the fear of the unknown?

• Is it the pain of dying you fear so much? 

• Is it what will happen to the people you leave behind? 

• Is it a fear of being forgotten, lost in the annals of history? 

• Is it being judged by your God?

• Is it the afterlife itself, being unpleasant or terrifying?

• Is it the nothingness, the eternal silence and non-existence that sends shivers down your spine?

• Is it that you will no longer be able to do all that you wanted to do, be, have, and achieve, entering your grave full of regrets?

All of those are valid fears, I suppose. If you believe death to be painful, are full of regrets in this life, and fear some sort of judgment day, I can understand why the idea of death petrifies you. I don’t share any of them, however. 

To be clear, I do not want, look forward to, or seek death! Hell no! I like my life and desire to live a long, fulfilling life while I can. I try to ensure, within reason, that I do what is in my power to ensure a good, long, healthy life. Here’s the thing, though: 

You can’t live a good life if you are afraid of dying

Rule number one in being able to enjoy anything you have is to appreciate it and be completely willing to let it go. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but I assure you, it’s the truth. You will never be able to enjoy your life and the people in it unless you accept that it may all end one day, and you can never know when that day will come.

A resolute acceptance of death is the best recipe I know for a good life

• If you are stuck on the desire to prolong your life, you will miss it entirely.

• If you are so focused on being safe, you won’t allow yourself to enjoy what life has to offer, as there is risk in everything.

• If you fear death, death is all you think about, and you will devote your life to escaping the inevitable.

More importantly, if you fear death, you have not accepted your mortality

This gives you the illusion that you will live forever, and you never take the time to “smell the roses” and refocus your priorities. U

nderstanding that every breath can be your last, and instead of fighting this fact of life, you embrace it and make every breath count, you can live a life so fulfilling and beautiful, it’s hard to imagine. 

I’ve faced my mortality on several occasions, and it has been life-changing

I’ve had to upend my whole life when I got severely sick, and I’ve had quite a few near misses on the road in my time. Such events immediately rearrange our priorities and wake us from this illusion of immortality and infinite available time. We are all mortal and will one day die, as will everyone we know and love. It is a fact of life, and it is never wise to argue with reality.

The key to losing the fear of death and truly living is taking the time to think about your mortality, death, possible transition, and the afterlife. We must always face our fears if we hope to overcome them. 

Go into it, visualize death and decay and the aftermath of what would be left behind. I mean it. Go for the vane, go deep, go dark. Experience death before you die, and you will be able to live like never before.

I do not fear death because I have died in my mind many times

I’ve faced this fear. I’ve meditated on death, the emptiness, the decay, the rot, and the life I would leave behind. I’ve felt how it would feel and noticed one very important thing. 

Nothing matters after you die, and I mean nothing!

From my understanding, death is painless. Furthermore, death is bliss, as there is no mind and body that would inflict any kind of suffering on me. What is there to fear in death, then? 

I’ve been dead for billions of years and have never suffered for it. By all accounts, the most probable state after death is akin to an eternal, dreamless sleep. There is nothing scary about sleeping, dear ones. We do it all the time.

Alternatively, if there is an afterlife, it is not connected with this body. Whether the mind or “soul” survives, most problems will be left with your body. What kind of problems and suffering could you possibly experience as a soul without a body, a mind free of all limitations, an ethereal being? I can’t think of many apart from possible memories and boredom. Is that really worth fearing?

All I’ve felt and experienced in these meditations and visualizations is a sensation of peace, freedom, and relief from all life's troubles. All that mattered to me while I lived, matters not after I’m gone. Nothing, not a goddamn thing! Can you even imagine such freedom and lightness?

Personally, I choose (and it’s a choice) to believe that my mind will somehow survive this body and, upon death, enter a new adventure. 

Whether that’s a new life on this planet, some ethereal existence (my preference), or my old life as I wake up from the simulation is irrelevant. I say it’s a choice because we don’t know the truth. We can only choose what to believe. Chose wisely. 

I would suggest you pick some version that makes you feel better, not worse, because, for the most part, it’s all bullshit anyway, and no one knows anything, including the scientist and religions.

All “the experts” on the subject are dead, I’m afraid.

What will people remember me as? What will be my legacy?

In a generation or two at maximum, no one in the world will even think of you or remember you existed. You will pass away, and as you pass from this world, you will slowly but surely pass away from everyone’s memories. 

Your kids will think of you now and again, perhaps a good friend, or if you’re lucky, your grandkids, but that’s about it. This is not a tragedy but the way it’s supposed to be. They have their lives to live and focus on. The dead are already free.

This legacy so many obsess over (and reputation) won’t matter at all because they are dead, and no one else gives a damn. It’s all about this nonsensical illusion of our personal importance. Darlings, we are nothing in the grand scheme of things. Less than nothing.

The universe contains billions of galaxies, billions of stars, and billions of planets. Our own planet has entertained billions of people for countless generations and trillions of animals. We are of no consequence whatsoever. This is a good thing. It enables us to care less about what others think of us and gives us permission to follow our own dreams and desires and live our lives as we want. 

The reality is that you are only important to you and those who are affected by your presence—those you hopefully love the most—your family and friends. 

Instead of fighting death and worrying about some silly legacy, worry about being the best version of yourself toward them. Enjoy their company and give them as much love as you can. Nothing else matters. Having done this, you will have lived a beautiful life worth living.

Even if you somehow achieve eternal glory and will be remembered forever, like Hitler, Caesar, or Aristotel, you won’t have anything from it, as you won’t see, hear, or feel it anymore. Probably. Remember, you’ll be long dead, so who cares?

I do not fear the pain of death

Darlings, pain is a factor in the brain-body connection. It’s just a signal, a warning that something is wrong in the body, transmitted through a nerve to the brain. It’s not real now, but it sure as hell isn’t a thing once the body is gone. If anything, you can be sure that death ends all pain. 

Can there be pain before death? Sure. Luckily, our bodies are designed to only transmit a certain amount of pain to our brains, and once that threshold is breached, pain either subsides or we fall unconscious. 

The pain that can come will be within your pain tolerance, and any significant pain will be short-lived. In reality, the only one you might be vindicated in fearing is a prolonged disease like cancer, but then this isn’t the fear of death, but the fear of illness and pain. Painkillers are the temporary solution, and death is the permanent salvation from suffering.

I don’t worry about the people left behind

This point is about as close to something worth fearing as I can imagine. Of course, we care about our loved ones and don’t want to see them struggle. We love them and want to be there for them. It’s the one thing I think about when choosing to take the “safer” path forward. I want to be there for my two ladies and would love to see my baby grow up. 

However, I realize the following truth and accept it as fact:

• I don’t have a choice as to when I will depart this life and can only do so much. I’m limited in my control over “fate.” If I will die too soon, there is nothing I can do about it, and no amount of worrying will help.

• There have been billions of people who lost someone and have been just fine. Sad, lost, and heartbroken for a while, but most get back up and move on with their lives. I trust my ladies would do the same and believe in their strength! In short, it won’t be the end of the world for them, and they will adapt. 

• All I can do is live a good life and do the best I can with what I know and am able to do at this moment, and that’s it. The results are entirely out of my hands. I must focus on being there for them now, while I can and not worry about the time when I might not be anymore.

Like most things, how you see death is a matter of perspective. You can train your mind to not fear death, accept it, and focus on living the best life you possibly can. No, this doesn’t necessarily mean leaving everything and chasing some dream of yours, though it can.

If you accept your mortality and realize the absolute truth, which is that you can die right now and there is nothing you can do about it, you will reprioritize your life and, as a direct result, live the life without any regrets. 

I don’t fear death - I fear not living!

I fear not living my life according to my desires and principles. I fear allowing myself to be carried away by lust for material possessions, career advancement, and money. I fear being a lousy husband and father. I fear being unable to fulfill the dreams of adventure that fuel me, as I am preoccupied with things I don’t care about. 

I’ve lived like that once before, and it nearly killed me. Realizing just how worthless all that was, how unappreciated all my work was, and how much time I wasted was heartbreaking. The price I paid in time, health, and relationships was soul-crushing! 

When your health gives up, the truth is revealed, and most of us don’t like what it says about us and how we live our lives. I stand by these words:

Most of humanity would benefit greatly from meeting death at least once in their lives. You don’t know who you are or what is important to you until you realize your time is up.

Death bed visualization and writing your obituary

Here’s the best way I know how you can experience what being at the end might feel like and learn the lessons of mortality and shortness of life before your life is actually over.

Imagine lying on your death bed, surrounded by the people you want to see there. You talk about your life as the hour of your inevitable passing nears. Maybe you’re old, maybe not. Maybe you’ve achieved worldly greatness, or perhaps you’ve just been a greedy dick. You’ll know when you get into the visualization yourself. Assume the timeline of your life continues as it’s going to its conclusion. Notice:

• What do you regret?

• What do you wish you spent more time on (work, money, family, etc.)?

• Who do you see at your bedside?

• Did you live a good life?

• Would you do something different if you could do it all over again?

If you’re undecided about something in your life, imagine you went on that path, and two or three decades later, you are lying on that deathbed thinking about your life, knowing it’s over. It is mighty revealing.

The second exercise is to write your own obituary

• What do you want your obituary to say? 

• Who do you want to write the last words summarizing your life and character? 

• What should be emphasized in the obituary? 

• What do you want people to remember you by - and who are those people?

I do not fear death because I live my life in the best way I know and can

Last but not least, if you live a good, fulfilling life, you are not afraid of death because you have no regrets. You are already living the best life with what is at your disposal, and if the end comes today, you’re okay with it. You’ve lived a good life and are satisfied with it. 

I’ve had epiphanies that overflowed me with a sense of completion a few times in my life. Usually, they came after a nice day when I did something I loved with someone I loved. I felt so good in that moment that I realized if this was the last moment of my life, I was completely and utterly okay with it. 

I try to live my life in such a manner. I can’t live my dreams like most of us can’t, but I can focus on what I have in my life and what I am able to do, prioritize what means the most to me, and just do the best I can. This gives me a sense of satisfaction and inner peace.

The opposite happens when I occupy my mind with things I don’t have, can’t do, and regret doing or not doing, which brings us back to my original point. 

Because I have accepted my mortality and the fact that my life can end at any moment, and there is nothing I can do about it, I have learned to live my life in a way that makes me okay if it ends at any point, having lived a good life with no regrets.

By accepting death, shaking the fear of it, and realizing what is important to me, I am able to live a good life. A life that, were it to end, I would be happy with. Should Mrs. Death come calling, I would ignore her calls and try to negotiate my way out, like anyone else, for life is beautiful, and I want to experience more of it, but should that option be taken away from me, I could now say to myself: “I lived a good life. I am happy and thankful for the life I was given. It is what it is. So, Mrs. Death, what’s next? What adventure awaits in this afterlife?” Or, you know, I would sleep the eternal sleep with nothing on my mind, peaceful and content.

My advice for everyone, especially those afraid of death or those who are too busy chasing some goal of theirs, is to accept your mortality, play with the idea deeply, and then live the kind of life you would be proud of and content with, should it suddenly end. For one day, it will.

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