STOP! You Don’t Need to Have an Opinion - You Can't Save Everyone
Worried about war and suffering, and want to help? It’s okay to say I don’t know or care. It’s none of my business. It's all perspectives, not truth. Let go, and find peace.
“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can't control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
When Russia invaded Ukraine, I felt this immense need to contribute to the conversation and find a solution to a terrible situation. Later, the same happened when Hamas committed a terror attack on Israel. I’m one of those people who feel they need to understand everything, form a conclusion, and talk about it.
The thing is, I’m just wise enough to understand that I know nothing
So, I did my research. Hours, days, and weeks went by, and I wrote dozens of articles I would never publish. To clear my mind, and because I always came to the same conclusion, which made all my thoughts irrelevant.
Do you want to know what that is?
There is no one simple, objective, absolute truth to anything - it’s all perspectives
Everyone has their reasons and justifications. And I get them. From their point of view, they’re the good guys justified in their behavior. The other side is the bad guy, perhaps even “evil incarnate.”
Every side has its interests, and they, more often than not, conflict with those of the other party. What is good and right for one country is bad and wrong for another. Your perspective will depend on “whose side you’re on.”
No side is innocent in conflicts. Mistakes were made on all sides; egos and ideologies were more important than life, and now people are dying in muddy ditches and dusty streets. Power plays are more important than peace, so there is conflict instead of cooperation and negotiation. Provocations, red lines, attacks, land grabs, violence, espionage, propaganda, lies, you name it—same old story.
Depending on your own ideology, origin, and loyalty, your perspective will be vastly different and incompatible with the opposing camp. We cannot agree on the same things because we don’t believe in the same ideals or want the same things.
Leaders argue and plot, and the innocent get hurt. Always have, always will.
Everyone just cherry-picks their narrative and historical point of entry and decides which side they like more.
You’re judging the situation from your eyes, forming your own opinions, and expecting others to share them. They don’t and never will. That’s not a thing. One hundred people will always have one hundred perspectives. Deal with it! Accept it.
More than anything, another realization reimaged.
There are no good guys, especially in wars
Only perspectives and an endless list of horrible situations and actions on all sides. Therefore, there is no objective solution to the problem. Most importantly, no one seems to want an end to the conflict but a moral and ideological win for their people.
This is impossible without severely impeding those on the opposing side. Religions, history, and ideologies are more important than people’s safety, prosperity, and peace. Unwilling to compromise, we are destined to fight and kill each other until that changes.
War has two possible outcomes
Negotiate, and both sides lose something, but people live, or
One side annihilates or subdues the other in a decisive victory.
Unfortunately, there are no clean victories without utter destruction and demoralization of your enemy (like Germany and Japan in WWII, for example).
Since no one is allowed to actually win anymore (by the international community), nothing changes. Nothing gets resolved. There is no winner and no loser, so the fighting continues, even when hidden from the public eye. It’s brewing up in the deep, waiting patiently for the next crisis when these conflicts will reemerge, and the killing will continue without end.
From my perspective, it’s all insanity!
On all sides. No exceptions! But then:
I don’t give a damn about ideologies. I’m only interested in the practical aspect of things. How can we live best now? How can we all profit now? What enables us to live peacefully without killing each other now?
I don’t care about the past or some historical claims. That was then, this is now. Everything has changed. No country is the same today as it was throughout its history. It’s all nonsense.
My country was twice the size it is today, less than a century ago. So what? How does this harm me? How does waging war on the neighboring country improve my life and my kids' lives?I don’t care about religion and some holly mission. Your faith is your problem. Religion and government should never mix. We can live together for the common good, even if we believe in other Gods or their absence. The same goes for politics and other beliefs.
Enforce your beliefs, ideologies, and preferences onto me or my children, and we have a problem. A big fucking problem! That’s the issue with multiculturalism, multiple religions within one nation, and politics in general.
We, humans, are apparently incapable of respecting other people’s beliefs and ideas without “raping” them with ours! We simply cannot accept that someone believes, feels, or thinks differently than us. Yes, that goes doubly for the “religious, diversity, equality, greens, and other well-intentioned groups.”
Leave them to their own demise
No amount of thinking, talking, worrying, or crying from you or me will make a difference here. It’s all wasted time, energy, and emotions. We can’t solve other people’s problems, especially when they don’t want to solve them themselves. It’s a fact we need to learn to accept.
We’re not helping anyone. We’re just making ourselves feel horrible!
This is true for individuals and nations. We all have to eat what we cook up. No exceptions. We also can’t be helped if we don’t want to be helped.
The conflicts that occupy our minds these days are not solvable until both sides want to solve them. Then, they’ll be over in no time.
It’s the same with people who keep making the same mistakes over and over again but won’t listen to reason. They are doomed to repeat the cycles of misery brought about by themselves while feeling like a helpless victim of circumstances until they learn the lessons they need to learn.
Let them, they’re not your responsibility
Not only are they not your responsibility, but you have no right to tell them what kind of life to live. You don’t know how they feel and what their personal perspective, values, and ideals are.
You can’t make those decisions for them. So stop trying. Most of the time, they’ll see it as an attack on them, not help.
We are all responsible for our own lives
We make mistakes. We suffer the consequences. We have to be allowed to make those mistakes so that we can learn the lessons.
Sometimes, the consequence of those lessons is a broken heart or an empty bank account. Other times, it’s thousands of dead people. There is nothing you can do to change this, and I know it hurts.
But that’s wrong and selfish, you might argue
I will present a counterpoint - it’s selfish to interfere! As you interfere in other people’s business, you force your will, perspective, opinion, and values onto them.
How is this good?
What gives you the right?
What makes you think you know what is right for them?
You’re judging the situation from your eyes, forming your own opinions, and expecting others to share them. They don’t and never will. That’s not a thing. One hundred people will always have one hundred perspectives. Deal with it! Accept it.
It’s none of your business unless their choices directly hurt you
Then, you’re “selfishly” interfering to protect your interests, which is okay. It’s what you’re supposed to do. We all have to take care of ourselves and our people (family, friends, tribe, community…).
Sometimes to the detriment of others. That’s just life, especially when discussing limited resources or conflicting interests.
Do you like being told how to live?
Imagine if all eight billion people would feel the right to tell you how to live your life. Is that what you want?
Do you want people of other faiths to dictate what you should believe?
Do you want people with other sexual preferences enforcing their ideals onto you?
Do you want people who live entirely different than you, forcing you to live their way?
Do you want people with opinions opposite to yours to keep pressuring you to change your mind?
Do you want other nations, ones whose politics and ideologies you find abhorrent, to rule in your country?
I’m guessing you don’t. So stop doing it to other people!
We cannot control what others do, much less want and believe. Stop trying to control them. We are all responsible for ourselves and must accept that responsibility. That also means we’re not responsible for others, especially if it goes against their ideas. We can offer help and our opinion, but that’s it.
I don’t say these things lightly
I always wanted to help everyone, but they just didn’t want to be helped. Now, a little older and wiser, I realize I was wrong even in trying. Despite genuinely meaning well, I was forcing my will onto them and telling them how to live their lives.
If they want to make all those mistakes from my point of view, so be it. Perhaps this is what they need, for whatever reason. I don’t know their path, and it’s not my place to judge them. Besides, I’ve been wrong before. Good luck, and I mean it.
Offer help, but don’t force it
Nowadays, I offer my opinion only if other people want it, and I make sure they know that:
I realize I’m not in their shoes. I don’t know how they feel and what is right for them.
What I express is nothing more than my opinion, perspective, and experience. Just because it’s right for me doesn’t mean it will be right for them. We live in different worlds, essentially.
I don’t know what is right or wrong in the grand scheme of things. I may believe something, but it doesn’t make it “the truth.”
They will have to decide for themselves and live with the consequences. They need to take responsibility and accept what comes with it.
They should listen to their intuition and gut and do what they think is right for them.
Ironically, when you package your thoughts as clear opinions without forcing your perspective on others, they respond more kindly and openly to your ideas. A softer touch seems to produce a greater effect.
"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius
Release yourself from the obligation of knowing and understanding everything
You don’t have to have an opinion about everything, and you can’t help those who don’t want your help. Focus on the things you control and let others live their lives as they see fit. Even when you believe it’s to their detriment. They are responsible for their lives, as you are for yours.
Worrying about what is beyond your power is insanity and self-inflicted torment. Don’t do this to yourself. There is no benefit, only pain, anxiety, and sorrow. Allow yourself not to have an opinion and refrain from interfering. You don’t know what is best, and you have no right telling other people how to live their lives, anyway.
Breathe, feel the relief of this burden being lifted, and find peace in these words!
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