How Playing Video Games Helped Me Get Through Tough Times

Any mental or physical activity that requires effort, builds skills, makes us feel more powerful, and involves a system of growth, achievements, and progression can do wonders for the male psyche.

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The internet is full of unsolicited advice on depression. None of which has raised more dust lately than something along these lines: “You don’t need medication, pills, or therapy if you’re feeling depressed - just go to the gym, eat right, and build things.”

That sure raises hell every once in a while. Some find it pointless fluff. Others point out that it might even be dangerous advice for those who are mentally suffering. A third group is even offended by the mere insinuation that one can heal one's mind without external help. 

But is there any truth to healing your mind through struggle?

First of all, I’ve written an extensive article about my experience and perspective regarding depression and taming your mind. In fact, most of my writing pertains to this entity that fucks with all of us - the mind.

Here are a few of my posts on taming the mind to get you started:

• How to Overcome Depression by Detaching From Your Mind?
  What causes depression? How to be free from depressive thoughts? Who’s in control, you or your mind? Learn about detaching from your mind and observing it without emotional reactions.

• Your Mind Is a Bully, But You Won’t Win by Fighting Back
  The key to freedom from your mind is understanding and detaching. Take back control of your mind and emotions!

• Anxious or Depressed? Lock Yourself in Time!
  Overwhelmed? Let me teach you the "TIME RESISTANT SUBMARINE VISUALIZATION."

• Don't Identify With LABELS - You Are Not Your Condition!
  When you identify with some condition or disease, you inadvertently make it a part of your IDENTITY. This will prevent you from healing, as it attacks who you are!

• Meditation on the Desert at Night - Is the Universe Agitated or Is It All in Your Mind?
  Learn to observe your mind and be free from its torment! How to find peace and tranquility, regardless of the place and time?

The source of the problem is mental

I stand firm that while body chemicals influence how we feel and think, the reverse correlation and causation is far more impactful. In simple terms, everything starts and ends with the mind. You think of depressive thoughts, which cause horrible emotions, altering the chemistry in your body. Then, you get stuck in a vicious cycle with no apparent way out.

I know many people disagree with me, and that’s fine. I hope your way will heal you because you deserve to be happy and at peace. By all means, and I mean this sincerely, do what you must to get better.

Today, we’re not talking about depression in particular. Still, we will incorporate all those miserable times when we feel disheartened, hopeless, like a failure, unloved, useless, powerless, and generally don’t see any point in living. 

I’ve been through a few of these dark times, especially after a stress-induced burnout took everything from me - my work, career, money, relationship, home, and health. I met death on this journey, had all my priorities and goals become meaningless, and was forced to begin living anew. I survived and came back stronger, if poorer. 

I can only speak from my experience regarding getting over a bad period. More importantly, it’s a man’s perspective, and I suspect this part won’t be so relatable or helpful for women. We are different, men and women, and we need to learn to accept and work with it, not against it.

I was recently reminded of wise words coming from a professional: 

• Women need love and compassion. They need to feel heard in order to heal. 

• Men need to feel useful, respected, and powerful.

It makes so much sense and might explain why playing video games or working out does wonders for the male psyche and can get us through the toughest times. Silly, I know, but true nonetheless.

My bad place

I found myself in a bad mental place after I couldn’t get work for years at a time. It was after my burnout when Chron’s disease wreaked havoc on my body. The doctors told me this was my new life, and I just had to accept it and adapt my expectations.

I felt immensely weak and useless. For a while, I was a walking corpse. More importantly, I felt cast aside from society. No longer useful. No longer strong. No longer smart. No longer productive. No longer respected. No longer a leader. No longer even able to pay my bills.

This is death for a man, especially a self-reliant one, who has been used to being active and productive all his adult life. I was on a fast train to success when everything burned down on me. I was used to being big, muscular, strong, and fearsome until I wasn’t anymore and couldn’t even walk up a flight of stairs. 

Since I couldn’t get back on the proverbial horse, no one would hire me, and I had to stay clear of any stressful jobs where I actually had any skills and experiences, I was stuck in limbo. Living at home, broken and penniless, I was but a shadow of my former self—a pale, skinny shadow.

Luckily, I still had a loving family to support me. Without them, I don’t know what I would do. Never forget that money and success come and go, but family and love are hopefully permanent in the good and bad times. Arrange your priorities accordingly, or suffer the consequences down the line.

Since I couldn’t get a job, I was stuck at home. My ability to rebuild strength was severely hampered, which didn’t help either. I had no money, so I avoided social activities and isolated myself. Unfortunately, those cost money, and constantly having to admit to your monetary and workforce defeat, is hell for a man!

I focused on two things:

• Learning all I could about the mind-body connection in order to heal myself, and I’ve learned those proverbial secrets of the universe that still guide me to this day.

• Finding any way I could to feel good or at the very least, better. Every day, I would try to focus on finding something to look forward to, feeling grateful for anything I could possibly think of, and finding hope for the future despite it looking rather desperate.

Video games to the rescue

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but everything costs money these days. I had none. The only things that were essentially free were playing video games, reading books, watching TV, and taking walks, and most of those only because I have an old pirate in me. 

Only one of those activities gave me a sense of building something, increasing my abilities, progression, and power—yes, video games. Ironic, I know.

How have video games made me feel better?

I played a lot of role-playing games (RPGs) and online shooters. What’s important to understand about these games is that there is a system of progression, building up your character and becoming ever more powerful built into the system. Hence, why they’re so addictive. We all strive for more, more, and more. Once the progression stops, we feel stuck and lose interest.

When you start one of these games, you always start at the beginning. You are weak, useless, and cannon fodder for all stronger enemies, which is how I felt at the time. 

Then, through a lot of effort, time, concentration, and skill building, yours and those of your video game character, you slowly progress. This progression never stops. There is always a new challenge ahead to look forward to, and there is always a feeling of satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment! 

I’m aware this all sounds silly and unrelatable to all who have never seriously played video games, but it’s still true. That is what makes the video game industry bigger than the movie and music industries combined and why an average player is about thirty years old. You didn’t know this, did you?

Imagine any kind of sport—football, basketball, tennis, or martial arts—it matters not. When you start, you are a rookie. Then, with years of practice, skill building, and strength gaining, you progress, becoming better every day. 

• How would you feel to be able to beat the best basketball (or whatever sport you happen to like) players in the world?

• How would you feel if you could achieve that in just a few weeks or months?

Imagine the whole trail, from your local gym or high school games to the pinnacle of international competitions in your sport. Every new level unlocked confirms you’re “the man or the woman.” You’re getting better every day. There is measurable progression. You’ve got more fans, beat ever better players, and collect more accolades and perhaps even money. It would feel damn good, I would imagine. 

Playing video games is no different, except it’s a hell of a lot more accessible and affordable to most. Something similar happens in the gym when you work out. You start weak, but then, week after week, you gain strength and conditioning, becoming better and better, stronger and stronger. Each new weight added to your exercise gives you a sense of progression. It’s addictive, and it floods your system with dopamine. 

If you start your career at the bottom or start your own business, you go through a similar progression. You start with nothing and move your way up. I’ve often been promoted at my job, at least once or twice every year. It felt empowering, and I was proud of my achievements. It turns out they were just as lasting and meaningful as playing video games (therefore zero), but that’s another story altogether.

Men need to feel useful, helpful, respected, strong, and powerful

How we achieve this feeling is irrelevant! It’s always all about how WE FEEL. Remember that. How and what we think and feel will form our self-image and a sense of happiness in our lives. 

Here are some of the ways men achieve these feelings:

• Physical activity, sports, lifting weights, physically challenging ourselves.

• Mental activity, learning new skills, visualization, affirmations, refocusing, remembering past glories.

• Video games are a combination of both. You need reflexes and coordination, and it takes time to get good, but you also need to learn the game, spend the time, invest effort, and overcome obstacles on the way, which can sometimes take weeks to defeat. Leveling up then feels amazing, even if its effects are contained in the virtual world. 

• Work, career, and business growth. New clients, better results, promotions, and titles.

• School, study, and learning progression. Every new milestone makes us feel better and better. 

• Acquiring more money, possessions, and things. Many measure their “worth” and “progress” with material possessions. 

• Sleeping with more and more women. I’m not advocating for it, but it’s the truth. Sleeping with multiple different women is not about the quality of sex (the opposite is usually true). It speaks to something more primal, establishing an alpha male status in one's mind and confirmation of their desirability. If babies are involved, God forbid, it’s the most natural instinct to produce offspring. The best males matted more often and produced more offspring. Men used to conquer countries, now they conquer women.

• Successful violence. Again, I am not endorsing it, only ackgnowleding that weak men often retake a sense of power when they attack the weaker. Rape is an extreme of this behavior, and it’s never about sex and always about power. Being able to defend yourself and knowing you are stronger than most will do wonders for the male psyche. Knowing you can kick the ass of everyone in the room or realizing that you have more money than them are similar feelings, but one offers a punchier EGO boost. One is natural, the other is artificial.

• Becoming a leader in a community. Status and respect are an aphrodisiac, making one feel immensely powerful, especially if backed by tangible achievements.

• Ironically, helping others, selfless service, philanthropy, and donating money also make us feel powerful, useful, and helpful. They say there are no selfless acts, which is fundamentally true, as the more selfless these acts are, the better we feel good about ourselves, intentional or not.

Video games helped, but there are better ways

I’m in no way endorsing building up your self-confidence and a sense of personal power by playing video games. There are far better uses of your time and energy. But when those aren’t an option or as a form of entertainment, they do the trick just fine. At least for a while, anyway. Like all things, the allure of simulated winning loses its appeal with time. Then, we need to set new goals, challenges, and paths of progression. 

Then again, who's to say we aren’t living in a simulation and our whole lives are just one giant video game, anyway? It would make sense on so many levels and explain our need for progression, betterment, and leveling up in real life. We either move forward or backward, but there is no stalling. Not really. 

If you are a man and are struggling with feeling weak and stuck, take on a new challenge. Get the small wins and progressions. When accumulated, they can do wonders for your self-image, sense of purpose, and confidence. Keep going and never stop, increasing your challenges if needed.

PS: I never said not to seek help if you need it. Knowing most men, though, we’d rather chop our heads off, so anything is better than nothing. Yes, even playing challenging video games or lifting weights.