How I Healed my Crohn's Disease
How I Healed my Crohn's Disease
I suffered from a supposedly incurable autoimmune disease for 15 years until I figured it out.
I know you don’t think it’s possible to heal so completely that you will hardly even remember the misery, pain, and exhaustion of your disease, but I assure you, it is. And it is wonderful. You, too, deserve to experience this feeling, and you’re the only one who can give it to yourself. I can point you in the right direction, but you will have to do the work.
I’ve been free from any related issues for 13 years now.
I previously wrote about my burnout, which was nearly the end of me as my Crohn's went into overdrive. I’ve also written about autoimmune diseases, how the cause is indicated in the name, and where you could begin searching for yours. Today, I wanted to focus on the mental work part of the healing (or sickness) equation.
My experience with Crohn's disease
For most of my early life, I was in constant abdominal pain, the kind where it felt like someone was gutting me alive with a giant hunting knife. I was permanently tied to the vicinity of toilets, and I’m reluctant to admit there isn’t a publicly accessible toilet in my whole country I haven't spent time in, absolutely miserable, shaking, and pissed off at the world!
I couldn’t eat or drink anything, apart from the most bland of options, without suffering violent backlash, shivers, diarrhea, and abdominal pain (or worse). Basically, it was down to warm water, black tea, dark chocolate, bananas, rice cakes, and some meat.
There wasn’t a social gathering I hadn’t spent either in the bathroom, or praying I make it home in time. When my friends were having fun, I was desperately trying to hide my pain so that at least some of us would get to enjoy life. Let’s not even go into intimate relationships with such a disease raining on your parade.
I’ll be honest here - life with Crohn’s sucked!
But as with all diseases that become permanent, one adapts and learns to live with it. It’s not like we have a choice. So I stacked up on all possible pills, kept to my diet, and limited my life experiences to those I was confident I could somehow manage.
I surrounded myself with people who knew my condition and didn’t ask too many questions when they saw the pain in my eyes, past the fake smiles and my disappearing acts.
I’ve spent years without being able to button up my pants (literally), as even the slightest pressure on my ruined abdomen immediately caused pain and sent me packing on the toilet. I gave up on traveling and sports. It just didn’t work.
Then - catastrophe hit.
I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have had that burnout that wreaked havoc through my life, destroying everything I’ve built, taking all my money, career, and everything I dreamed of. Yes, you read that right.
It’s because that was the thing that forced me to delve deep into the what, how, and why of Crohn's disease. But more importantly, it led me to explore the mind and its influence on our health and lives in general.
Enough with the walk down memory lane. Here’s how I healed myself!
First, a disclaimer. Go and see the doctors, specialists, and healers. Maybe you’ll get lucky, and they’ll do more than just fill you up with pills dealing with your symptoms instead of the cause of your disease. I’ve never seen them cure anyone’s Crohn’s or any other autoimmune condition, for that matter.
You caused it. You have to fix it and make it go away.
When I first started this journey of healing my mind, I was exhausted, desperate, and felt no hope for a better future. I wasn’t a pretty site. I was a mess. Physically and mentally. I had no money, no job, no home anymore. I couldn’t walk up a staircase without my heart almost exploding or keep up with ladies in the local gym without collapsing unconscious to the ground like an empty sack of potatoes.
Living in my parent’s house, unable to do much else, I had only one thing in abundance — time. I used that time to read. I read everything I could find on the topic of mind, the Law of Attraction, ancient healing, remote healing, fringe scientific research, meditation, and all the alternative rabbit holes I had never bothered to enter before.
I was consuming hundreds upon hundreds of books. It felt like I had stumbled upon something lost to us in this day and age. Something important that I just had to understand. It gave me hope and got me excited again.
Learning about the importance of our minds, I was committed to experimentation.
I wasn’t what you would call a believer. I had to build an army of evidence, testimonies, and proof for myself every step of the way. The chasm my rational mind had to cross in accepting these ideas was as vast as the ocean. The odds were stacked heavily against me.
But the thing was, I was hooked. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Things started making sense for the first time in my life. I began seeing patterns everywhere. I also had nothing to lose and had depleted all other viable options, so I stuck with it.
I did all the usual stuff.
I meditated, journaled, visualized, created vision boards, and repeated affirmations like a broken record. The one that still sticks out today as the true antidote to my Crohn's condition was the opposite of my lived experience:
“I can eat and drink whatever I want and always feel great!”
As you can imagine, considering there was almost nothing I could eat or drink for the past fifteen years of my life, especially after my burnout, that one felt like a lie. But here’s the funny thing. It’s true today.
It took about two years before I realized that I hadn’t been sick in weeks, maybe even months. I was in complete disbelief! I didn’t dare think it was possible. Even my family couldn't believe it’s been that long. And yet, the more I thought about it, the more I allowed myself to accept the possibility that something had changed.
Of course, I had to test it out.
A cup of coffee. A glass of Coca-Cola. Some french fries. A piece of bread. Sure enough, one after the other, all those prohibited foods had precisely zero effect on me for the first time since I could remember. It turned out I could eat and drink whatever I wanted and always feel great, after all. Is this what they call a miracle?
Finding out the source of my disease.
After a lot of mental digging into the past, meditation, and research, it dawned on me exactly when my problems first started appearing. That was a huge revelation.
The official medical position of “we don’t know what causes Crohn’s disease or how to fix it” frustrated the hell out of me. I mean, what the hell? Aren’t you supposed to be the experts? Yet, you have no explanations, solutions, or remedies for me. Only an official label and a “get used to it” card when you send me away.
Pinpointing the beginning of my problems also shed light on possible causes. In my case, I came to the firm conclusion that I subconsciously wanted to be sick so that I could avoid attending religious ceremonies I hated beyond words. The only way out was if I got really sick. Those weren’t the “cough, and you can stay home” times growing up.
The only way to push back against the power my parents had over me was by destroying my own body. It was a desperate rebellion, a cry for help, and the invitation for Crohn's disease to take hold of me.
Once I figured all that out, I forgave myself and my parents.
We all do the best we know how at any given moment. It’s no one’s fault, and resentment doesn’t benefit anyone. I was long free from the reasons for my unconscious inner self-harm. I felt a subtle relief and lightness as I untangled that part of my history.
I accepted my situation fully and stopped resisting it.
It freed me from constantly feeling sorry for myself and seeing myself as a victim. Accepting my fate, I no longer thought much about my disease anymore or where it could eventually lead. I was able to shift my focus from being sick to other things.
In that void, I somehow stopped being sick. I rationalized that if this is my cross to bear, so be it. I will bear it with grace and dignity. As much as that is possible when you howl in pain on every toilet, after every meal, and dread all social interactions.
I constantly reminded myself that it could have been a lot worse.
I could have lost my legs, arms, or sight, had cancer, or any other disease millions of people around the world suffer from. Many have it much worse than I do. Who am I to complain?
I became grateful that this was my biggest problem. When I stopped complaining, I no longer had reasons to complain. Funny how that works, isn’t it?
I stuck to my diet like my life depended on it.
Sticking to plain food wasn't fun, but my family tried to make it as enjoyable as possible. I couldn’t have done this without them. I believe the strict diet was important because when I didn’t suffer the pain and other Crohn's disease-related symptoms, I wasn’t so consumed with it.
I didn’t feel good, but I didn’t feel as bad as usual. It was an improvement. Also, there is some wisdom in not agitating your body more than it needs to be, giving it time to heal in peace.
Look within, dear friends.
If you’re struggling with Crohn’s disease or any other autoimmune disorder, refocus your attention on the inner work. That’s where the sources of your problems and the solutions lie.
Identify all possible causes of your autoimmune disease. Think back to when your problems first began and persist until you’ve found the culprit. You’ll know it when you find it.
Dissect and analyze them, one by one, and rewrite this part of your life with a new story. Overwrite the old beliefs, programs, and memories with new ones. Ones where you end up a healthy and strong person, not a sick, weak one.
Make peace with it. Forgive yourself and everyone you believe may have harmed you. This is non-negotiable! As long as you’re being eaten from within emotionally, you will experience similar symptoms on the level of your body.
Learn to love yourself and your body, flawed as it may be. You can’t hate your body or yourself and expect to heal!
Accept that you are currently sick and that even if this is the cross you must carry, feel gratitude that you don’t have to carry heavier burdens. Adapt and stop thinking about your disease completely. Delete it from your mind. Forget about it as much as possible. Make it a non-issue, and it will cease being an issue.
Accept your responsibility for creating this disease, and with that, embrace your power to heal yourself. Stop being a victim, and step up as the cause of everything in your life. Only then will you have the power to change anything. Until you’re ready to accept full responsibility for the good and the bad in your life, you’ll just be running in circles. You have a choice: play the victim and suffer, or take responsibility and begin the work of healing.
Envision a better future and a healthy body, and persist in those imaginings. Ask yourself, “How does it feel to be (opposite of today) in perfect health?” Write a new blueprint for your subconsciousness. Once accepted, the rest will happen by itself.
Create affirmations that emphasize that you are perfectly healthy, and repeat them until they become the background noise of your mind. Journal your thoughts and emotions, always adding that you are getting better and better every day. Anything is possible. Open your mind up to change.
Believe that it can be done, that it is done. You ARE already healthy and strong NOW! Don’t worry about the how. You don’t know how you caused it, either. It doesn’t matter. Close your eyes, forget the past, and see yourself as a new person. A healthy person.Decide that this disease is a lie, an illusion, it’s not real. Diminish it as much as possible instead of feeling sorry for yourself and talking about it all the time. Never identify with your condition. You are not your disease! It’s a mind error, a temporary glitch. Nothing more. You removed the cause of your disease. It has no purpose anymore. As the error was corrected at the source, results must follow.
Imagine yourself as a hollow emptiness (which you are) of floating particles dancing in the dark nothingness. Nothing solid, nothing material, all just energy in an eternal flux of all possibilities presenting themselves as an illusion of a body. Break the illusion of realness. Remind yourself that you are not your body, you’re just the one using it. Detach as much as possible.When you believe it, really believe it, on the level of knowing that you are perfectly healthy and strong, you will be. Your mind controls your body. Change your mind, change your body (and your world). There is always a cause and effect. Find the cause of your autoimmune disease, remove it, and wonder in bewilderment ot the effect on your body. The cause is always hiding int he mind. Look nowhere else!
It won’t happen overnight, but at least now you know it can happen.
You can be healthy again. I’m living proof of it. I talked about my path of healing. Yours might be different. Find your own way, but always start within — in your mind. Chin up. If I could do it, you can do it!
Good luck to you. You’ve got this!
Related posts:
What Is the Source Of Your Autoimmune Disease?
Don't Identify With LABELS - You Are Not Your Condition!
Self-Analysis: What Am I Getting From Being Stuck Where I Am?
How Playing Video Games Helped Me Get Through Tough Times
Every Day, in Every Way, I am Getting Better and Better - Daily Rant #12
How to Face Your Fears, Calm Your Mind, and Overcome Anxiety
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