How to Overcome Depression by Detaching From Your Mind?
How to Overcome Depression by Detaching From Your Mind?
What causes depression? How to be free from depressive thoughts? Who’s in control, you or your mind? Learn about detaching from your mind and observing it without emotional reactions.
Depression is no joke
I’ve been meaning to write about depression for a while now but have been hesitant. The reason is that I have not experienced full-blown depression myself, so I cannot possibly know what it feels like. Granted, I’ve had many depressive thoughts and episodes in my life, even the kind where I ended up contemplating the point of living any further, but I still wouldn’t dare call it “depression.”
I have, however, grown up in a family where one of my parents suffered greatly from manic depression. Threats of suicide, helplessness in their eyes, and lack of any objective reasons for being so desperately sad were something I struggled to understand when I was young.
In those days, depression was a made-up word
Those suffering from depression had nothing to show for it, no visible wounds, scars, or x-rays. No one believed them. No one understood them.
While I’m pissed off by the tendency today to label everyone a person with a mental health condition, either depressed, bipolar, or suffering from ADHD, I acknowledge that it does give the “patient” a sense of being seen and understood. It also makes treatment and help easier to provide.
The temporary solution that solves nothing
I’m not a believer in pills solving any kind of mental issues, but I understand most see it as at least a temporary solution to get them through the day. The problem is that it doesn’t solve the underlying cause, but the patients do feel a sense of relief in the numbness.
All it does is mellow you out, turn you into a walking zombie who can, through that compromised state, somehow exist without ending their lives. At best, I would call it a temporary crutch. Stop taking the pills, and you go right back to that all too familiar dark place you want to escape so desperately.
In my family's case, three decades of all sorts of pills, therapy, and treatment did very little. While the parent I mentioned is now in a much better place, it’s not because of mainstream medicine! They were utterly impotent in curing them, but it did help soften the symptoms. What that did to the quality of this person’s life is a tragedy, though.
I would like to offer an experiment and a path to a deeper understanding that I believe could help immensely with your depression. My intention is to help not only alleviate your suffering but ultimately annihilate depression from your life by understanding and retraining your mind.
Warning: I’m not a doctor, nor am I a licensed psychiatrist. If you suffer from a mental illness such as depression, by all means, seek professional help first. I mean it! Then, come back to me, and let’s see if we can help you understand what is going on and how you can cure depression yourself. What have you got to lose?
What came first - the depressing thoughts or corresponding chemicals?
The way I understand modern medicine’s approach to depression is that it explains it as chemicals causing your brain to make you feel depressed (severely simplified). Those chemicals are the problem, and if we alter the chemical composition, you will somehow heal your depression.
I understand why the medical profession sticks to this theory. It’s the only thing they can measure—they can’t see inside your head.
They can only ever test your body and try to understand what is going on from the outside. The problem is that this is the area of effect, the result, the consequence, not the cause itself, which remains hidden in your mind.
You can never fix a problem by addressing the symptoms and results without working on the initial cause - the source of the issue.
I believe it’s an essential element to clear up. Our bodies primarily just respond to our minds. The mind is the cause of almost everything, even when finding the connection is challenging. Depression isn’t one of them. Let’s test this real quick.
Answer these questions about depression honestly:
If you had happy thoughts all the time, would you feel depressed?
If you had complete, serene silence in your mind, could you even be depressed?
If you had no thoughts, no inner voices, and no images in your mind, what would cause the spark igniting the flames of depression?
If you could somehow simply turn off your thoughts the moment they get depressive, like a switch, would you become depressed?
If you are having suicidal thoughts and believe that you and the world would somehow be better off without you in it, aren’t those just thoughts?
Can those chemicals, without the help of thoughts, cause you to be depressed?
In the absence of thoughts in your mind, how does depression look and feel like?
I think you’ll come to a similar conclusion to mine, and that is that without the mind, without thoughts, there is no depression. The chemicals themselves may make us feel good or bad, but there are always corresponding thoughts that seal the deal.
When you take those antidepressant pills, your mind subsides. You feel less intensely, and your mind is less violent. Coincidently, it’s why people do most things, from substance abuse to sports, adrenaline, sex, entertainment, and work - to run away from their own tormenting minds.
The key, then, is in the mind, in the thoughts that cause the chemicals in your body to change and make you feel horrible. What is causing those thoughts? First, let’s look at what is not causing them.
Objective reality is rarely the cause of depression
How can you be depressed when you have everything: money, work, a loving family, and general health?
Nothing outside you is missing, isn’t that so? There is no rational reason for those depressing thoughts. Most people would kill to be where you are right now. I struggled with understanding how a parent could cry all the time and contemplate killing themself when I saw no reason for it.
At the time, being a clueless kid, I took it personally. I just couldn’t understand how “I wasn’t enough” for them to be happy and continue living. If nothing else, to see me grow up. Kids tend to blame themselves for everything, so please make sure they understand your depression has nothing to do with them.
I do understand now. I’ve had those same thoughts multiple times throughout my life
When things seemed so desperate and pointless, despite objectively being just a “normal life,” I wondered what the hell was the point of it all. Suicide was never really an option for me. I’m a fighter, a rebel at heart. Depressive thoughts soon turned to anger, and anger fueled me toward drastic changes.
I somehow found peace in knowing I could end things whenever I wanted, and that alone alleviated the pressure and lessened the burden.
What could possibly be a bigger risk than dying?
I knew what I stood to lose, and since I was willing to do it voluntarily, why not live it up before then?
Why not take the risk I was so afraid of taking?
That got me through the day and into rather illogical action that, while irrational to all outside observers, made me feel that things were moving again. I felt trapped. The walls were closing in, and I could hardly breathe and sleep, so I broke free!
I have since learned that ancient stoics also found peace in knowing they could end this life. Although many have a problem with this stoic teaching, I find it incredibly logical and freeing, not depressing.
Through acceptance of death and realizing that we always have the option to end a life of suffering, we are now free to do whatever we feel is the better option. We can always go back and end it at any time. Ironically, this may very well be the thing that returns our will to live.
I may have been burning things in my life (careers, homes, jobs, relationships), but it felt good. It made me feel in control, and that was better than feeling like a helpless victim trapped in my head. Today, I have simpler systems to take control of my mind and reframe whatever is bothering me into something less destructive.
As I mentioned, it wasn’t a “proper depression,” but it was insufferable, nonetheless. I’m eternally grateful I don’t have to live with that invisible thief of joy, the bottomless darkness consuming me whole.
I do have an abusive, annoying, depressive, and overthinking asshole in my head, though, who seems hellbent on trying to ruin my life every day - my mind! Endless fears, crushing anxiety, irrational thoughts making me feel like absolute shit, and trying to sap my will to live, have always been my companions.
Realizing that my mind is the cause of most of my problems, I focused on getting to know my mind and learning how to control it—a monumental task, if there ever was one.
I have healed my incurable autoimmune disease, gotten my relationships to work, and trained my mind to focus on the good, not the bad, in my life. Believe it or not, it’s all it took to turn a miserable life into a happy one.
Change your mind, change your life.
Changing your fundamental perspectives and learning to train your mind is the most challenging journey you’ll ever embark on. Still, it can be done, and there is no worthier pursuit I can think of! It’s not a magical pill, and it doesn’t happen overnight, however.
Your thoughts cause your depression
You might disagree with me on this thesis and resist understanding the importance of my point because it removes the comfort of being a helpless victim and gives you control.
If it’s the chemicals in your body, you can’t help it. If it’s your thoughts, that kind of makes you the origin of your problems, doesn’t it?
Let me ask you this:
Who controls your mind?
Whose thoughts are running rampant in that head of yours?
Are you a helpless observer of those thoughts?
Are you the victim of your own thoughts? How does that work?
Who is talking in there? Who is showing you the dark images? Who is whispering sonnets of depression? (if not you)
Wonder no more.
Sit down, close your eyes, and observe your mind
Don’t engage with it, don’t follow your thoughts, just observe them as if you were sitting in the movie theater. Whatever shows up, see it, but refocus back on just observing the screen of your mind.
With your eyes closed, ask, “Who is causing these thoughts?” Demand the answer. Repeatedly. Is it you? Okay—then stop them!
For the next few minutes, decide not to have any thoughts, voices, images, feelings, or anything else
Can you do it?
Did the mind seize to think?
Are you enjoying a few minutes of tranquility and silence in your mind?
If you could, we wouldn’t be having this conversation
Most people can’t do this, which is the reason they are eternally ruining away from their minds, with various distractions. The best one of them all? The one where your life is hanging in the balance, slipping on a cliff while climbing, fighting for control of your motorcycle as you push it to the very limits, or getting so drunk (or stoned) your mind is completely numb, drowning in poison, fighting for its life.
So, what answer do you have for me?
Who is the one causing those thoughts in your head?
Some other person?
Did you give backdoor access to your mind to someone?
Is it your body?
Do those chemicals we blame for depression cause your thoughts?
How do they do this?
What is the process?
Can you explain it?
Is that a logical sequence of events?
I won’t tell you what to think, but I strongly invite you to keep contemplating this point and asking your mind, “Who’s talking in there?” while deciding you want silence. If you persist, it will reveal the ultimate truth. I will, however, offer an alternative perspective or explanation as to what causes those thought patterns in your mind.
The neural network in your brain
Imagine your brain as a neural network. Think of neurons as messengers in your brain that talk to each other at particular points called synapses, where they release chemicals to pass messages. Memories and learning occur through the formation of strong connections between neurons, which are reinforced through repetition. Thoughts arise from various regions of the brain communicating with each other in unique ways, such as remembering a past event or solving a problem.
This is the critical part. Thinking about something often strengthens that part of the brain (simplified) or those neural connections. They become the dominant mental patterns in your brain. Those connections are kept at bay while you actively think or do something that requires your full attention.
Once your activity stops and your mind returns to autopilot, the prevailing thought patterns, caused by nothing more than neurons and their connections, come out to play.
Those thoughts you are so immensely bothered by are just “mental noise” in your mind
They are not true. They are not real. They are not “you.” It’s just noise. Residue thoughts firing off at random, according to the dominant thinking patterns in your brain. It’s not magical, and it’s not something you need to pay close attention to. You just have to understand it.
Imagine a domesticated talking parrot with an attitude
You can teach it to curse and say profane things to you all day long, but none of them make it true or, in any way, shape, or form, indicate the parrot's feelings and beliefs about you.
When you then hear it say stuff like, “Fuck you! You’re an idiot! You’re a worthless piece of shit,” or any other nonsense you might have taught that parrot, you won’t be affected by its screams, will you? It’s just a parrot. It doesn’t know what it’s saying. Right?
Neither does your brain or your mind
One more disgusting example to really hammer in this point. I hope you’ll forgive me. Imagine your husband or wife, father, mother, or someone else you love and respect says to you: “You’re an ugly, useless, stupid, fat whore!”
How would that make you feel? Horrible, right? It would feel like someone shoved a knife through your heart and twisted the burning sucker while crushing your kneecaps.
Now imagine you’re walking down the street, and some drunk, drugged up, homeless person with no teeth, barely able to keep his eyes open, yells the same horrible, heart-breaking sentence at you. Let’s assume you also know this person has a mental illness and talks to walls, frogs, and lamp posts all day long.
Are you affected by his words the same way compared to someone whose opinion you value? No, right?
I want you to understand that difference regarding your mind. You think it’s important and that you should listen to it and value the thoughts the mind produces, but you’re wrong! It’s not some respectable, all-knowing arbiter of truth, but a drunken, toothless, mentally ill, senseless parrot-like pattern executor in your head that doesn’t have a clue what it’s talking about!
Just listen to it. Listen to the words that it spews out. Observe it like you would a little ashole of a child who’s had a rough upbringing and doesn’t know how to behave. See it as a mindless parrot repeating shit it doesn’t understand. A drunken, mentally ill patient, arguing with the lamps about politics while blaming the moon for his shoe being untied.
I mean it! Just observe the mind, and you’ll see it’s absolutely insane - and, more importantly, wholly irrelevant and absolutely “not you!”
When I catch my mind being a proper dick these days, I literally laugh at it
I’m like, “What the hell? What is this bullshit, again? I see I have more work to do.” But you can’t do this until you’ve learned that:
You are not your mind.
You don’t have to entertain those thoughts or stop them by force - you just have to detach.
Your mind is a stupid parrotlike automatic pattern repeater
Those thoughts that cause you so much suffering are just echoes repeated on autopilot. They aren’t true, and they don’t mean anything.
If you understand this essential point, you stop caring about the voices in your head. You recognize them for what they are. Stupid old thought patterns on autopilot because your brain doesn’t know any better.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, how do we stop those thoughts from ruining our lives? Well, we can’t just stop them, unfortunately. Temporarily, sure, but not permanently. It has taken you dozens of years to teach your brain to spew nonsense at you. You can’t break those neural connections overnight.
I propose a solution - the cure to depression, as a five-step system:
1. Detach from your mind
Realize you are not your mind, and those thoughts that torment you day and night mean nothing. They’re not real. They are just random patterns of neurons firing off without intent, reason, or intention. It’s all a lie, but it does cause you to feel horrible if you follow along.
When you stop taking them seriously and understand them for what they are, you will no longer feel obligated to follow them, believe them, or care about their nonsense.
As you create some space between your mind and “you,” peace follows.
2. Learn to observe your mind without identifying with it and getting carried away by thoughts that arise
Train yourself to become the witnessing awareness, the objective, unbothered, silent observer of your mind and the thoughts it spews out. The more you practice observing your mind without getting dragged along with the thoughts, the more peace you will find, and the less power your mind will hold over you.
You won’t need to escape your mind, as you will have learned to simply observe and know it’s all bullshit mental noise like you would an annoying parrot with a potty mouth. You will be FREE FROM YOUR MIND!
3. Achieve some sort of mental neutrality and silence in the mind
Don’t go on a positive thinking overload, as it might backfire. You’re not there yet. Take it one step at a time. You can’t jump from being clinically depressed to permanently happy in one day. Those old thought patterns need to be retrained, and it takes time.
Strive to lessen the torment and find more and more moments of inner peace and tranquility.
4. Start rebuilding your thought patterns
I suggest writing it all down when you’re processing things. Write about what you believe, what you fear, and what your mind is telling you, and then challenge each one of those things.
Make this exercise a part of your daily life. Structure it so that you can process your thoughts and emotions one by one until you see the error in your beliefs and thinking patterns.
Ask yourself questions like:
Is this thought true?
Who’s idea is this, mine, my mind’s, or someone else’s?
Why do I believe this thought? Do I really believe it?
Who would I be, and how would I feel if I didn’t have this thought or belief (or experience)?
Is it possible I’m wrong? What else could explain it? Can I see it from another angle, viewpoint, or perspective?
How do other people think about themselves and these things? Whose approach is more beneficial? Which one feels better?
Is it really best to give up? What will happen if I take this path? Who will be affected by it?
What if I accept where I am and choose a different path going forward? What am I risking? What have I got to lose?
What am I afraid of? What is holding me back? Why can’t I do what I want?
What exactly is it that makes me believe that everything is so depressive, hopeless, and negative? Break it down. Is it all true? For everyone? Is it possible your mind is deceiving you?
Incorporate the all-so-hated exercise where you try to find things that are not so bad:
What am I grateful for? Surely there is something?
What am I looking forward to, however small it may be (e.g., a coffee, a walk, the next episode of your favorite TV show, a shower, a cookie)?
What do I like in this situation, person, or myself (anything, no matter how small)?
This will, in time, retrain how you perceive everything. In the meantime, it may give you a different perspective on your current situation and give you something to look forward to, even though the “larger things” may seem pointless and doomed. Zoom in and ignore the rest.
Determine what is within your control and let go of everything that isn’t
Accept the things you cannot change and work with them, not against them. It takes practice, but once mastered, it helps a ton. Ask yourself:
What do I actually control in this matter? Then, do what needs to be done!
Can I accept the things I cannot control? Do I have a choice?
Is it possible to let go of the things I can’t change? Could I theoretically give up trying to change them? To let go of the feeling of wanting to control or change it? Would I be willing to do it? When?
Find things you love doing, whatever that may be, and do more of them
Seek those little joys in life that are accessible to us all, no matter the circumstances, and focus on them. Focus on the light, on what is possible and within your reach, not the darkness and the unattainable.
This is all just training your mind
The mind that has been so utterly abused knows nothing but pain and misery. Help it learn that there is another way to see things and think about everything. The more you teach it and practice, the stronger those new neurons become and the weaker the old pathways that caused you so much suffering.
As I said, it takes time. You have to retrain that inner parrot of yours to stop cursing at you and start saying nice things, seeing the good, and completely rearranging the neural links in your mind. It’s a lot of effort in the beginning, but with time, it gets easier and easier until it becomes normal and automatic—yes, even for you!
5. STOP the depressive train of thought whenever you notice it
You can literally say (internally or alud if alone): “STOP! NO! I’m not doing this. NO!”
Do not follow those thoughts. Don’t engage. Don’t entertain them. Don’t allow them to influence how you feel. Stop them as soon as you catch them.
Then, as you have caught the depressive thoughts begin to arise, take the seat of a witnessing awareness, the objective observer, and ask your mind: “Who is saying this?”
Do nothing but demand the answer. Keep watching and repeating this question. Decide that you will not think of those thoughts anymore. So when they appear, and they will appear, stop, take a mental step back, detach from your mind, and ask the question.
As it’s not you, because you’ve decided you’re done with such thoughts, who is causing them then? Demand an answer, and don’t waver. Do not allow your attention to drift away or, god forbid, along those idiotic depressive thoughts. Stand firm. Imagine sitting in a chair watching a movie screen where those thoughts keep showing up and demand an answer.
You won’t get it, of course. There is no one in your head whispering depressive thoughts. It’s just old patterns and neural connections firing at random. None of it is intentional, none of it is real, none of it true, and none of it means anything. It’s just the mental noise of your inner parrot doing its naughty thing, just as it’s always done.
But now you’re wiser and aren’t affected by it anymore
You know it’s all bullshit. You have detached from your mind and learned to observe it without following along. You’re no longer affected by the thoughts, but like a patient parent, you wait for the mind to calm down with its nonsense raging.
You understand it doesn’t have a choice; it’s all automatic, patterns and neurons doing their thing. You’re not angry anymore, and you’re definitely not sad. Those thoughts can’t touch you anymore! You are free, my dear friend.
If asking “Who is saying/showing this?” is uncomfortable, try taking the same mental seat of the observer (of your thoughts) and ask yourself, while intensely open to whatever comes up: “I wonder what the next thought will be?”
You’ll notice a magical fact. When you are intensely focused on being the observer of your mind, detached and aware of what you’re doing, two things happen:
Your mind won’t produce any thoughts as long as you’re observing it. It will just be silence and emptiness. But you must focus on observing the mind and not get dragged along with the thoughts.
There is immense peace and tranquility when you observe your mind, and the mind is silent. You want nothing. You need nothing. Nothing is lacking. Nothing is wrong.
You’ve now experienced that miraculous bliss that holy men from the East keep rambling about. You have found heaven right here, right now. It’s in a silent mind.
Then, you’ll realize the ultimate truth. Nothing outside you really matters for your happiness. It’s all in the mind.
The most important step in dealing with depression
If you’re only going to take one thing from all of this, let it be that you are not your mind; nothing it says is true or important, and you don’t have to put up with it.
Your mental image of yourself and the world around you is not objective. It is perceived through the mental lens - a filter of your mind. If your mind has been taught to see everything as desperate, hopeless, and negative, that is how you now perceive the world. But that doesn’t make it true. Not everyone sees it this way.
Detach from your mind and keep observing it from an objective, neutral viewpoint—become a witness to your mind, an observer of your mind as often as you can.
Then, once you’re aware that you are observing the ramblings of your mind, detached, you can allow it to play out its games all it wants. It can’t touch you anymore. It only has that power if you think you are your mind and that those depressive thoughts are real and true. They’re not, and once you see the mind from an objective point of view, you’ll never allow it to ruin your life again!
I don’t know if this will help you with depression
It has helped me, and from what I can tell, millions around the world who have studied the mind. I hope it does. Either way, it can only help you feel better. It can’t hurt. Try to understand your relationship with the mind. Observe it as much as possible without interfering or getting attached.
Make it a habit to catch unwanted thoughts, take a mental step back, say “no,” ask “Who is saying this/Who is causing these thoughts,” and wait for answers. The more you do it, the more you will realize your mind cannot control you unless you allow it.
If something as simple as observing it or asking that simple question can stop the mind in its tracks, just how powerful and dangerous is it really? It is only as powerful as you decide.
Depression without thoughts
Do you think your depression can survive without depressive thoughts causing horrible feelings?
Can the so-called chemicals hurt you if you ignore your mind?
If it’s just physical, what can you do that combats those feelings?
These are essential questions to ask yourself. Here’s my hypothesis. Take it as food for thought, an opinion:
Depression cannot survive without the mind and the thoughts that cause you to feel depressed. The mind cannot survive without time. If you stay grounded in the present moment, without thoughts, without time, the mind is still. I don’t see how anyone can be depressed in such a state, a state of blissful nothingness.
The mind is the cause of depression and nothing else. Thoughts cause feelings - thoughts cause chemical changes, not the other way around.
Depression is curable. Change your mind, change your life. I’ve seen it in people around me and felt the profound change from rearranging your thought patterns.
Pills are a temporary crutch. Use them if you need to, but don’t stop there. Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), for example, work by blocking the reabsorption of serotonin, a neurotransmitter involved in mood regulation, back into the neuron that released it. This increases the levels of serotonin in the brain, which can help improve mood and reduce symptoms of depression. Notice the key word - reduce symptoms, not cure the cause!
By detaching from your mind, you will regain freedom from the mind and thus the ability to think clearly and be emotionally resistant to those rampant, undesired thoughts.
Do not identify with labels. No, not even depression. Think of it as a temporary mood. You are not a depressed person, which insinuates permanence and identity - you are a normal, healthy person experiencing temporary depressive thoughts.
We are all so very different
What works for some will not work for others. I understand that depression is an incredibly debilitating condition that saps you of all will to live. I hope you beat it and regain control over your mind and, with it, your emotions. You deserve to be happy, calm, and content. We all do!
If you need further help and guidance we can go through these exercises and reframes together. I would love to help, but it is always up to you to do the work. I can’t do it for you. I can only point you in the right direction (hopefully). Feel free to contact me at zzmeditations (at) substack (dot) com.
Give it a shot - control your mind, don’t let your mind control you
You’re probably hesitant, which is understandable. Maybe even angry at me for suggesting it would be “this easy” to cure depression. It may be “simple” in methodology, but it will not be easy! Nothing worthwhile ever is, especially if it involves the mind. Let me ask you this:
How is what you’re doing right now working out for you?
Are you happy? Has your depression been cured? Do you feel much better in general? If the answer is yes, then perhaps you should stay the course. Something you’re doing seems to be working. I’m genuinely happy for you and wish you a speedy recovery.
If, however, you want to try and once and for all rid yourself of depression through understanding the mind and learning to control it, then maybe give this a shot.
What have you got to lose?
I intend to describe these exercises and meditations in more detail in the future. If you’re interested, make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss them. Until then, DETACH - OBSERVE - RETRAIN your mind. Good luck.
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