So Many Words, So Little Substance
Aren’t you tired of all these repeated conversations, superficial debates, and wasted energy talking about things that have already been said?
I spent the weekend with some friends and a group of women who were on their escape from their husbands and children. It was a weekend full of words, but in the end, most were a waste of air.
Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.
Carl Jung
When I was a young pup, I was a talkative one
I used to drive my parents nuts with incessant questions. This theme continued for a few decades. I believed in conversations and verbal exchanges of ideas, but then, at one point, I realized something so profound that I now mostly prefer silence.
We’ve said all that needed to be said, and now we mostly just repeat the same things over and over again.
There is very little in the way of new and epiphanic information. Most of the time, we’re stuck in loops of repeating thoughts, patterns, and issues, which translates to rehashing the same conversations over and over again.
I’m no exception. I can hear the same episodes, ideas, and thoughts from my own mouth. My words don’t offer much value, either.
I’ve barely learned to get a handle on that robotic mental verbalizer, gaining some much-needed silence and tranquility within; I don’t need to experience more useles noise in the outside world.
I know 95% of you out there won’t understand this, but for the other 5% - you are not alone. Silence is cool, so feel free to ignore those who don’t “get you.”
I, too, prefer silence to all forms of small talk and regular conversational topics. Things like:
The weather.
Politics.
Other people (third party).
Relationships and sex.
Day-to-day happenings.
Work.
Food.
Cultural stuff like music, movies, and TV shows.
Alcohol, partying, and drugs (dear Lord, kill me now).
You know what, I’ll also admit I’m bored of talking about things that pertain to my own interests.
I enjoy them, but all that needed to be said was already said by all the parties I mostly converse with. I know where they stand and how they see things, and they know my point of view, which is, coincidentally, what all these conversations boil down to.
There is no truth or absolute knowledge to be found here. It’s all just opinions and perspectives. I feel I might have heard enough of those to feel satisfied I’m not missing out on anything.
Still, these are the topics where I can at least settle into a good, deep conversation, even if the conclusions are mostly open-ended. But after a few years of rehashing the same thing, meeting one exaggeration after another, always painted with colorful certainty, while knowing full well we know nothing, it gets tiring. All the words have been said, the resources drained of wisdom, and there is hardly anything new here to discover. I find myself often drained after socializing.
“Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.” ― Jorge Luis Borges
There is nothing wrong with silence
My girlfriend and I often enjoy each other’s company in silence. We’re together 99% of the time.
What the hell don’t we know about each other, our lives, and thoughts, for that matter?
Why not just focus on the moment, mouths closed, enjoying the presence of each other’s company and the beauty of this world?
At first, I thought something was wrong, but now I understand. Silence isn’t weakness. It’s strength. Personal and one of relationships.
It’s not that we don’t love or like, but that we know each other well enough that words are unnecessary. In fact, cliche as it may be, when we open our mouths, identical thoughts, ideas, and words run out to greet each other. It’s become rather comical at this point.
I will add that we are in most things, very different beings, her and I. This makes me suspicious of some form of telepathy, as I feel what she feels and thinks without any need to hear it vocalized, and vice versa. Maybe we’re the first kind of a new mutant telepathic human breed. Wouldn’t that be fun?
The answer is no. It wouldn’t be! I don’t want to hear people talk, and I sure as hell don’t want to hear people’s minds! I already have to put up with my inner random word producer on Crack. I don’t need to hear other people’s inner roommates as well.
Anyway, back to this weekend of conversation and fun
I was reminded why I don’t like socializing in large groups and never have. All those conversations were repetitive, superficial, oddly intimate at times, and somehow stuck at a level of understanding one would expect from twenty-something youngsters, not forty-winters wise men and women.
Partying, music, drinking and drug expeditions, not to mention relationship stuff that should not even be a thing for fully developed grown-ups. For exploring teenagers, sure, but two decades later? Really?
I couldn’t believe how some of those women were able to talk non-stop for all of the fifty-odd hours without saying anything worth listening to. “He said this, she did that, they think like that, he should have done this, she is a bitch, he’s a dog, I like this and hate that, OMG did you see…”
Holly shit! If I had to live with such a person 24/7, I’d make hiding in the bathroom a sanctuary of sanity, or I would go insane with all the constant noise without substance.
I know this sounds snobbish, but it’s not
Once upon a time, I would have put it on myself to help these misguided lovelies with some innocent transference of wisdom, attempting to rid their lives of needles drama, but I’m way past that phase as well.
First of all, I’ve learned deeply that all I really know for sure is that I know nothing. I think I know, but I don’t!
Second, I’ve learned that you can’t change anyone or help them unless they want to be helped and are committed to changing themselves. It’s a waste of time and energy that often results in more negative than positive outcomes.
Furthermore, it is not my place to tell anyone anything, as I am fully cognizant of my flaws and, therefore, can’t even trust my own ideas and words since they so often lead me astray. How, then, am I going to preach to other people what they should or should not do with their lives? I can’t, and I won’t!
Live and let live is my motto now
“But you’re a writer. Isn’t that what you do in your writing?” you might point out.
Yes and no. I think, process, and contemplate things through writing, and I publish my content publicly so that those who are seeking a different perspective and ideas can find them. As food for thought and nothing more. I offer advice based on my own experience, with a clear warning that, for the most part, this is only my experience, opinion, and perspective.
Just because something is true and right for me, it doesn’t have to be for you, dear reader. I’ve also noticed that even this might be too much since people often find random writing offensive, intrusive, or judgemental.
I get it—I don’t like people telling me what to do and how to live my life, either. I just don’t take anything on the internet personally. We all have opinions and it’s perfectly fine to share them, whatever they are.
With that said, I’m going to go enjoy some more silence if you don’t mind. Be well!
You might also enjoy reading related articles:
I Hear The Call of Silence - It's Time to Let Go
Dear Daughter, Crave Some Company, But Don't Want to Talk?
Meditation on the Desert at Night - Is the Universe Agitated or Is It All in Your Mind?
The Art of Being Alone, But Never Lonely
STOP! You Don’t Need to Have an Opinion - You Can't Save Everyone