How To Be Resistant to Emotional Triggers?
Getting triggered isn't cool. Emotional triggers suck. When we get triggered, other people have power over our emotions. That simply will not do!
In the previous article, we discussed what it means to get emotionally triggered and some examples of things that trigger us. Today, we’ll talk about why we don’t want to be susceptible to emotional triggers and how to achieve a state of trigger-free existence. Tomorrow, we will investigate how to use that same triggering mechanism for our benefit.
Your emotions are your responsibility and yours alone. Never delegate that responsibility to others, for you will be sorely disappointed.
The internet-triggering plague
Unfortunately, most people who publish things online often receive negative feedback from insulted or angry individuals triggered by their content. It wasn’t aimed at those triggered. The vast majority meant no disrespect. In fact, most words we used casually before the internet are now on the “forbidden list of triggering words.” A list that keeps growing seemingly into infinity.
A little side note: I firmly believe that things that trigger people are never the fault of the creator, writer, or publisher but lie solely with the person being triggered.
Insensitive? Perhaps, but the truth is that we all get triggered by all kinds of things. If we impose our will upon everyone for all that anyone could get triggered on, we might as well stop communicating altogether.
Excommunication of the easily triggered
In my personal life, I have completely excommunicated sensitive people who hang on to my every word and continually find reasons to be offended or triggered. Life is too short for that pointless drama. There is no pleasure or point in talking to someone who’s actively hunting for things to argue with. I have lost nothing and gained so much. I highly recommend it.
Cut those people out of your life as soon as possible. Let them scream at the threes about all that bothers them, like the way the leaves dance in the wind. I’m sure the trees won’t mind.
The year is 2055, and the trees have stopped growing and producing oxygen as they were fed up with people constantly complaining about everything. What have I done?
Something triggered you — now what?
What not to do when emotionally triggered?
Don’t hold the person who published or did something that triggered you under contempt if something triggered you. It’s not their fault. I’ll explain the logic as you read further.
What to do when you get emotionally triggered?
Find out why something triggered you and deal with it constructively. Process those emotions, reframe things in your mind, and make peace with the fact that you will be exposed to these triggers periodically and need to learn to deal with them in a way that doesn’t arouse those violent emotions within you.
The exception
There is an exception to this rule—if the person knows you intimately and knows that what they’ll say or do will trigger you emotionally, but they do it to achieve this goal, then they’re just rude idiots.
Why it’s really not an exception?
Having said that, do you really want to give them the satisfaction of getting to you? Fuck em! Pretend their words and actions did not affect you and take away their power. The easiest way to win is to refuse to play.
Furthermore, it will ensure they get tired of trying to step on your toes, as you no longer react and just ignore them anyway, so what’s the point? It sucks the joy out of being an asshole.
How do you soften the triggering mechanism?
Exposure to triggers and exploration
The best way to rid yourself of those triggers is by controlled and deliberate exposure and mindfully processing the emotions and thoughts that arise within.
Running away from your emotions will never help. Face them, and like with fear, they will lose their power over you. All you have to do is “sit with them,” observe them without judging and allow them to pass on their own. It’s not fun, but it is immensely beneficial to your mental health.
You’re not only building up a tolerance to outside stimuli but also processing the unresolved issues they expose.
Focus on the intent
Another important step is to program yourself to consider the other person’s intent. You will feel instant relief once you realize those words had nothing to do with you (in most cases) and weren’t said with malicious intent.
Did this person direct those words at me?
Is there malevolent intent behind the triggering content?
Is the author purposely trying to arouse a reaction by getting people triggered?
If I’m assuming that he is an insensitive bastard who wanted to make people feel bad about themselves, how can I be sure that’s the true intention of this person before attacking them?
Is it possible I’m overreacting and projecting, perhaps?
How is getting triggered by this content or person beneficial to my mood and life?
If it doesn’t help you or make you feel better, why allow yourself to be provoked like this? Why go through the emotional turmoil if you don’t have to? Ignore and move on.
You will gain nothing by getting upset. Conversely, a life of peace awaits when you learn to “let it all go and just pass through.”
Make it your goal and celebrate when you are able to let something go without getting upset. Built that “I don’t care” muscle if you want peace in your life.
Take responsibility for how you feel
Your emotions are your responsibility and yours alone. Never delegate that responsibility to others, for you will be sorely disappointed.
Ideally, you want to get to a point where you just “don’t give a fuck” about what other people say, write, think, or do. It’s none of your business and their problem, not yours. No one has any power over you and cannot manipulate your emotions. This is true strength! This is the goal.
And no, you’re not teaching anyone a lesson when you yell at or scold them. They’ll just get annoyed, and your presence might ruin their day, but that’s the sum of it. There is nothing positive in being emotionally triggered, and it’s not something to be proud of. That’s peak victim mentality right there. It also doesn’t make you a good person (or bad).
“Someone looked at me sideways, and now I can’t get out of bed, I’m so triggered! I’ve been raging for days because of it.”
The world isn’t perfect, and neither are people. You can’t bend the world to your will by screaming at everyone and crying every time you see something you don’t like. It won’t make it go away. You have to become stronger.
It’s the only way. I say this with love.
Getting triggered is a sign of emotional and mental weakness
Harsh? If you were mentally strong, knew who you were, and stood behind your convictions, no words would be able to reach you. You would be firm and unmovable.
If anyone can blurt out a word you don’t like, not even directed at you, and you get all bent out of shape, you’ve got issues. It means there are things you haven’t dealt with, are way too sensitive toward, or are running away from. This is not an insult - we all have issues we need to deal with.
What is the more viable option?
A- Change the world to submit to your emotional triggers and prevent anyone ever from doing something that could trigger you? (or)
B- Deal with your emotions so that you don’t get triggered anymore?
If none of the above were true, why would you get triggered?
Example - “What a fat ass!”
“That horrible person on the street called that car’s back end a “fat ass,” and I got so insulted I had to stop and give him a piece of my mind!”
Think for a second about the following:
Would a person who wasn’t self-conscious about their “fat ass” get triggered in this situation?
Is the person commenting on that car responsible for this person’s fat ass, why it’s fat, or why she hasn’t accepted herself as she is?
Was that person talking about that woman’s ass?
Is it possible that was even a compliment? (hint - it is!)
I know this is a silly example, and maybe you’re right, and I just wanted to write “fat ass” a couple of times. Fuck it! If felt food. My own little rebellion against the "word watchers.”
Example - “Haha, baldy!”
For men, the equivalent might be when someone uses the word “bald” or “baldy.” While a “fat ass” (OMG, he did it again) may be a choice, being bald isn’t.
Yes, some men have good hair, and some don’t. There isn’t much choice in the matter, but we can accept that about ourselves instead of getting squeamish at the very mention of the word.
I, for one, chose to embrace the fact that my hair was thinning. Sooner or later, the only sane thing to do will be to shave my head. Boo, freaking hoo. I would have done it years ago (and have), but my girlfriend seems to prefer me with whatever this is, for it’s not a haircut. Fine. The things we do for love, right?
Would I prefer to have the best hair in the world? Of course. I used to wear my hair long back in the day and dare I say I was a handsome young man.
Am I willing to spend thousands of dollars and hours every day fighting baldness? Hell no! It’s a losing battle, and it makes no sense.
Is it unfair that I’m bold and others aren’t? Maybe, but then I’m tall, and that would be unfair to all the vertically challenged men out there. We are what we are, and we have to deal with it.
If you call me bold or balding or make fun of men without hair, I do not get offended—not even a little. Why? Because I’ve accepted it and made peace with what is.
Yes, I’m a semi-bald monkey-man who has hair freaking everywhere except on the top of the head. It’s ironic, far from optimal, unfair, but it is what it is. I could have been born with a foot on my forehead or with a micro penis. Who am I to complain?!
There is no point fighting what is or feeling bad about it. Accept it and learn to make fun of yourself! That is the key to happiness and being absolutely trigger-resistant, friends.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. This doesn’t mean I don’t have other triggers, mind you. There are things I have not accepted about myself and my life. I’m only human, a very flawed one at that, so I understand.
There’s this wise old quote I cannot find anymore that goes something like this: “If someone points at a flaw of yours, instead of getting angry, smile and ask if this is the only flaw they know, for you have so many to choose from.”
I know I’ve butchered it, but I love its meaning and have always taken this approach. I own my mistakes and flaws and am the first to make fun of myself. This completely saps the power from any insult or flaw and makes it your strength.
None of us are perfect. Being at peace with who you are is a mighty strength. The ability to genuinely laugh as yourself is the pinnacle of self-acceptance.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." by Eleanor Roosevelt
Find out why you get triggered
When you notice those irrational emotions arising within you when you encounter a trigger, do some internal work. Find out why that happens. Understanding is half the battle won.
Why does this trigger me?
What does it bring up?
What have I not accepted about myself or the world?
What can I change so that I don’t get affected by such triggers in the future?
How do I become trigger-resistant and mentally strong?
Once you have your answers, get to work. We cannot change the world and every other person. We can’t prevent other people from thinking, believing, or saying things we don’t like and trigger an emotional response within us. What we can do is become so confident, self-aware, and strong that none of those things will be able to touch us anymore.
In the next article, we’ll be turning the triggering mechanism around and making it work for us!
Now tell me - isn’t this a better approach than yelling at and judging people all the time?
Would you rather be emotionally at the mercy of random people on the internet and the street or completely impervious to their words?
I know what I prefer, how about you?
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This is great so much practical advice!
I love this ‘ Take responsibility for how you feel’.
While we cannot control how others behave, we do have more control over how we deal with things, I agree with you this so valuable to work on.
In particular I agree and share your view moving beyond a victim mentality, it’s too easy to blame others and do nothing.
Yes people can be awful, but how they behave doesn’t have to define us or get caught up in their drama 🙂👍