8 Problems You Complain About but You’re Lucky to Have
Life is all about perspectives. Happiness and misery depend not on circumstances but on how we perceive and react to them. Let’s examine a few examples.
“I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet.”
We all have our share of problems. The thing is, most of them are not really problems at all. We can call them first-world problems or problems of the privileged, but the core point is that millions of people in this world would kill to be in our shoes.
A little situation check, and a mental reframe can do wonders for how happy we feel about ourselves, our relationships, and our life situations in general.
Let’s have some fun with this today. We’ll call upon our old wise sage to help us out. Let’s do this in the form of a conversation between a theoretical complainer and the wise sage because why not?
Haters on social media
The complainer: “OMG, I feel so bad because there are mean people in my comments - dozens, even hundreds of them, under every post, image, or video I publish. Why or why do I have to put up with them?!”
The wise sage: “Aren’t you lucky to have so many heaters in your social media comments?”
“What do you mean? Of course not - they make me feel horrible!”
“Yes, they do. Unfortunately, they come with the territory. You are lucky to have followers in the first place. Do you know how many people desperately yearn to be followed by so many people? To gather that much attention?”
“I know, but I still hate it.”
“You are lucky, dear one because you are so successful. A large following inevitably includes haters. See them not as damaging but beneficial. Their rage and anger fuel engagement and make your posts go viral. They are helping you, even if they are mean about it.”
“They are?”
“Of course. If you had no followers, you’d have no haters. Haters simply mean you’ve made it. You have reached so many people that the obligatory comments of disagreement have statistically become a part of your experience. You cannot have one without the other. Love of thousands, without the hate of a few in between.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“The more haters you have, the more people you’ve reached, which is the goal, isn’t it? If you have ten haters among hundreds of followers, you’re lucky. You're luckier still if you have thousands of haters among millions of followers.”
“I disagree.”
“You can always close the account and have peace and rest from all the haters and mean comments. Would you prefer a smaller following, perhaps?”
“No, hell no!”
“Then see the haters as part of the package. You’ve reached a lot of people, and it’s impossible to be liked by all or to agree with everyone. It doesn’t work that way. Accept the dark side of “fame” and focus on the light. Realize just how incredibly lucky you are to have such problems in the first place.”
Expensive insurance for my car
“OMG, I have to pay so much money for car insurance.”
“How lucky are you?”
“What do you mean? I have to pay a lot of money, don’t you understand? It’s not fair!”
“I do, hence why you are lucky. You have an expensive anḑ powerful car. That is a privilege most of the world’s population cannot claim. In fact, a large percentage of the world can only dream of owning a simple old car. You obviously have the money and can afford it, or else you wouldn’t have it. You are lucky. You just don’t realize how much. You’re the one to five percent of the world’s population.”
“But I don’t want to pay such exuberant insurance and other costs of this car!”
“You are lucky again!”
“How now?”
“Because you can always sell your expensive, powerful car and eliminate all these expenses. It is a choice, a thing of luxury. If you choose to keep it, you apparently think it’s worth it and can afford it. You are lucky, my friend!”
Annoying boss at work
“OMG, my boss is so annoying. I just hate going to work. He’s driving me crazy!”
“How lucky are you to have a job?”
“What are you on about?! I’m not lucky. I’m suffering here.”
“Yes, you are suffering, but you are still lucky.”
“How so?”
“You have a job, don’t you?”
“Yes. So what?”
“Do you have any idea how many people do not have a job or any regular income?”
“Sure, but…”
“Are you digging ditches in a mine?”
“No, I have a boring office job.”
“So, not only do you have a stable job, but you also enjoy the comfort of an office in mild, controlled temperatures and work with computers?”
“Yeah, but…”
“Can you afford to pay your bills and feed yourself with the pay from this comfy but boring job with an obnoxious boss?”
“I can.”
“Do you have any idea how many hundreds of millions of people would kill to be in your place right now?”
“It’s still annoying as hell, and I hate it.”
“You are so lucky - you can quit any time you want! No one is holding a gun on your head.”
“I mean, I can’t quit! I need the money.”
“So, now you admit that you are lucky because you have the privilege of a job, regular income, and the ability to leave if you so choose, but if you do, you’ll lose the thing you have that billions don’t? You are lucky, dear friend.”
Bad knees
“OMG, my knees are killing me. I can hardly walk a flight of stairs without pain. It’s a horrible problem to have.”
“Nonsense! You are so lucky. You have no idea.”
“Because my knees hurt when I walk up a flight of stairs?”
“Because you have knees to hurt you. Because you have legs to walk with. Because you can walk a flight of stairs without anyone’s help or having to be carried up like an invalid.”
“I see your point, but it still sucks.”
“Refocus on your ability to walk and be thankful for your legs with every step you take, and the knee pain will vanish from your mind. If you’re not convinced. Borrow a wheelchair and live a day in the body of a cripple. Come back to me after that experience!”
Single and lonely
“OMG, I’m so lonely. I’ve been single for so long. Why, oh why, can’t I meet someone special.”
“You’re so lucky. Learn to enjoy it, and you’ll be with someone in no time.”
“Why am I lucky for being single and lonely?”
“Lonely is a state of mind and has nothing to do with being alone or not. You can have a large family and be in the middle of hundreds of people while still being lonely. And you can be happy and complete while being single.”
“No! Being single sucks! I hate being single.”
“You hate being free?”
“Well, no.”
“You hate the mystery of infinite possibilities of meeting someone new every day and falling in love?”
“Am, what?”
“You hate being able to do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it, without having to compromise and explain yourself?”
“Well, no, I mean…”
“So, you don’t hate being single. You just spend your time in your head, dreaming of how much better it would be to be in a relationship, yes?”
“Yes. It would be better!”
“Maybe. Maybe not. My point is that being single can be excellent fun if you focus on the good sides of being single and take advantage of them.”
Tired from parenting
“OMG, I hate being a parent. It’s so hard! I’m tired all the time. I don’t sleep. I don’t have any me time. I wish I never…”
“I’ll stop you right there. You do not wish that. Yes, being a parent can be demanding. But it is also the greatest privilege of your lifetime. You are raising your future best friends, if done right, and could enjoy every minute of it if you decided to.”
“I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I just don’t have the energy.”
“Slight loss of sleep is worth cursing the miracle of life?”
“It’s not just the lack of sleep. It’s all the chores…”
“Doing laundry and feeding your baby is the thing that makes you think that it would have been better if you had never had any children?”
“And the fear and the stress of being a parent. I never know if what I’m doing is the right thing to keep my babies safe and healthy. It’s all so overwhelming sometimes.”
“Yes, it is. That is part of being a parent. All important jobs come with great responsibility, difficult challenges, and setbacks. Yet, this is the most important job in the whole world. To care for your children. Is it too much to ask to sacrifice a little time and energy? It takes a few years at most before it gets significantly easier. For bringing about a new person, with hopes and dreams and an infinite pool of love, you will be able to drink from for the rest of your life?”
“I’m just so tired, and it’s causing problems with my partner.”
“I understand. Do you, by any chance know, how many would be parents aren’t as lucky as you are? How many millions cry themselves to sleep every night, because they can’t conceive a child? How many millions lose the one thing they lived for, as their children were taken away from them? What do you think they would do to be in your shoes? Tired, lacking sleep, and arguing with their partners. Anything. The answer is anything!”
“It doesn’t help me feel better about my situation. I don’t care about other people!”
“Then imagine that you woke up tomorrow and your kids were gone. They died in their sleep or were hit by a buss on their way to school. Suddenly, all your problems would be gone, wouldn’t they? Would you be happy then? Is that burden of dead children somehow lighter to bare than that of caring for their basic needs?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Then never again complain! Not even to yourself, less ye risk experiencing getting your wish! Parenthood is what you make it. Choose to focus on the good, and it will become the best time of your life. Focus on the problems, and not only will you ruin your family, but you will also regret it as you grow older and kids leave your house.”
An incurable chronic illness
“OMG, life just isn’t fair! What did I do to deserve this cruel fate?! Why can’t I be like others, healthy and well? This sickness of mine prevents me from fully enjoying life. I can’t eat everything I want. I can’t concentrate. I can’t do everything I would like to do. I’m living a nightmare!”
“Is that so? Let us assume for a moment that we all have some sort of cross to bear. Look around you and try to find ten people who have it worse than you. Go on. Not better - worse! A lot worse. People who are more sick, have disabilities, or are perhaps even dying.”
“Like for real?”
“Yes. Do it now. They can be anonymous representatives with various severe disabilities or illnesses.”
“Okay.”
“Write them down and then think deeply with whom from that list would you trade places right now? Would you rather be blind? Deaf? Paraplegic? Fight cancer?”
“With no one from the list, of course. They all have it worse than me.”
“Everyone of us fights battles no one sees. We all have our cross to bear. If you could sign a contract that your autoimmune disorder will be the worst to ever befall you - would you sign it?”
“Sure. But I can’t. Can I?”
“No. But what you can do is realize just how much you’ve overblown your problem, given new context. Sure, it sucks to have any kind of health issue, but if you had to choose, yours would be the one to get. Am I right?”
“Am, I guess. Now, stop thinking about it, accept your personal cross, and move on with your life. Adapt what you must and find happiness and joy in what you can do instead of misery in what you can’t!”
High taxes
“OMG, I hate paying taxes! This year, I have to pay twice as much taxes as last year, making me sick to my stomach.”
“How lucky are you, my dear friend?”
“What do you mean that I’m lucky?! Haven’t you been listening? I have to pay twice as much in taxes! I am forced to give a lot of money from my company to the government. That’s not luck. It’s extortion!”
“Yes, you have to pay a lot of money to the government. The government that enabled you to make that money in the first place. The government that enables you to have good living conditions, safety, and prosperity. And yes, you also cover the bill for those less fortunate than yourself. Hence, why you’re much more lucky than most.”
“I disagree! I shouldn’t be paying more money than others! It’s not fair.”
“Ah yes, fairness. Is it fair that you make so much more money than most people? Is it fair that those who don’t have a company to hide profits among expenses pay exuberantly more in proportion to their income than you? Is it fair that you make multiple times more money than most?”
“Yes! It is fair because I work hard, take risks, and deserve to make more money!”
“Yes, you do. You should be rewarded more. It is only fair. Then, it is only fair that you give more back to society, as you are lucky enough to be able to. You are lucky because you make so much money that taxes appear to be a large burden. You are lucky because if you owe a lot of taxes to pay, it means you’ve made a lot of money first, doesn’t it?”
“I mean, I guess.”
“So, you are lucky. Immensely lucky because you’ve made a lot more money this year than last, which is why you must pay more taxes now, yes?”
“I’ve made more money, but the taxes are still too high!”
“Yes, taxes are always too high for the one who pays them and too low for the government. You are only paying more taxes because you made more money. Would you have preferred to make less money so the taxes would also be smaller?”
“No, of course not.”
“I’m sure you could arrange to make less money next year, and so your taxes would be lower. Right?”
“I guess, but I don’t want to.”
“Correct. You are happy to make more money and lucky even to be able to do so. You’ve achieved your goals, and now you complain about the cost of it. A cost that comes with making more money, which was your choice and desire. As I said, you are lucky. Billions of people would trade places with you in a second if they could. They would gladly pay the taxes to make what you make. But you wouldn’t trade places with them, would you?”
“No! Of course not.”
“Because you are lucky to make so much money that taxes seem like a lot. Focus on what you make in profit, not what you pay in taxes. Both are part of your chosen reality, and your focus will determine whether you feel good about it or bad.”
Perspective changes everything
As we have seen, there is always more than one way of looking at things. A shift in perspective might not outright solve your problems, but it can certainly help you feel better about your situation.
Experiment until you feel better about your situation because circumstances matter very little. It’s how you perceive and react to them that makes or breaks our happiness and inner peace or creates turmoil and suffering. It’s all in the mind.
Second, as long as you are focused on the problem, even if you think you’re looking for solutions, you are feeding the issue and not helping. Sometimes, acceptance and surrender to what is, makes all the difference. Not just to how we feel but also to help solve the problem in an effortless way. Life is funny that way, I know.
Related posts you might enjoy reading:
In a World of Darkness, Focus on The Light
How Our Core Beliefs Determine If We're Happy or Miserable?
Happiness and Circumstances - Does Your Situation Matter?
How Powerful Is Changing Your Perspective in Altering Your Feelings About a Situation?
Dear Daughter - Never Complain
Meditation on the Desert at Night - Is the Universe Agitated or Is It All in Your Mind?
On a Dark Day When All Seems Hopeless, Find Something Small to Look Forward to
It’s Easy Being an Optimist in Today's World
As a demented immigrant to the Promised land of the USA - doing this to pampered suburbanites is my favorite game.