The Myth of a Soulmate - How to Find Your Soulmate?
The Myth of a Soulmate - How to Find Your Soulmate?
It's the stuff of fairytales, and if you want to be happy in real life, it should stay there! Lose the "soul" part, and you'll find your "mate" in no time.
Do you believe in soulmates?
Is there that one special person in all of space and time who is meant for you? The only one you are meant to hook up with. The one sent by the stars and destiny combined. The other half with whom you form a whole.
Are you asking yourself:
How do I find my soulmate?
How will I know if he or she is my soulmate?
What if I never find my true soulmate?
I hope you said no because I am about to take a dump on that idea. Sorry, not sorry. It’s an opinion, not some universal truth. We’re just having fun here. Furthermore, you are free to disagree and continue the hopeless, eternal search for the infamous “the one.” I won’t stop you. I promise.
The odds of finding a soulmate
There are currently roughly eight billion people on this beautiful planet of ours. Extending that line of thinking, Carl Haub, a demographer at the Population Reference Bureau, once allegedly calculated that approximately 108 billion people have lived on Earth since the dawn of humanity up to the year 2011. Great, we have our numbers. Now, let’s play.
I don’t know, nor care what you believe caused the little spark of chance, divine intervention, fate, God, or absolute randomness in the combination of the right egg and the right sperm getting through, sentencing its brothers to an inglorious death. You’re here now, and you’re efin gorgeous!
I suppose you must have some theory as to what eternal forces bind you to your soulmate: magnetism, some secret arrangement of souls prior to descending into this sexy meat suit, or quantum entanglement. Feel free to educate me in the comments. I honestly don’t have a clue how you would justify this soulmate thing, but my mind is open like a pickle jar—a little sour, but there’s still room in there for breadcrumbs of your wisdom.
Anyway. I have three questions for you:
What is the mechanism of this connection between two soulmates?
Is this soulmate of yours destined to come into being precisely as you are born? Is there a rounding error? Ten, twenty years, give or take?
Does this connection and eternal bond of love and companionship transcend time limitations?
Why do I ask? I’m trying to gauge the odds of you two finding each other based on numbers alone.
If you’re being sent through the veil from the ethereal realm into the material at the same time, then the odds are one in eight billion.
If there are no time limitations on destiny, then we're talking about one in one hundred billion.
Either way, it’s not looking good, friends!
How do you fancy your odds of winning the lottery? Scratchy scratching, are we? Statistically, we’re talking in tens of millions to one.
Are you afraid of getting hit by lightning? You should be! The average for the United States is approximately 270 per year, making it 1 in 15,300 per year. Worldwide, I read that about 2,000 people get hit by lightning, making it 1 in 4 million.
I hear you went swimming in the ocean. Are you mad? The odds of being fatally attacked by a shark are estimated to range from 1 in 3.7 million to 1 in 11.5 million.
The chances of you meeting and hooking up with your soulmate are abysmal in comparison.
But God, the universe, and Cupid make sure we end up in the right place at the right time!
I see. Well, lucky you! Love truly transcends odds, fate, time, space, and reason.
Do you want to know what I think?
Sure you do. If you’re still reading, you’re at the edge of your seat for this revelation. Fear not. As per usual, I’ll only use five thousand words to get to my point. Just kidding.
I have a theory, and it’s just a theory because I’m smart enough to know I know nothing. While I’m sure you were itching to tell me that yourself, you needn’t bother. I’m well aware of this terrible misfortune of mine. There, I saved you some time. You’re welcome.
None of us has a soulmate; we just like to think we do
I still think your partner is the best, and you were destined to fall in love, against all odds, in defiance of the Gods themselves. OMG, you’re like the magical beacon of hope for mere mortals. There is a force in this universe that dropped everything and went to work on making sure the two of you meet while alive, horny, and single.
Your love story will become the stuff of legends. Songs and plays will be written and directed to commemorate this miracle of love and companionship. I’m so happy for you—really, I am.
Here’s the cold, hard truth about falling in love
We bond with someone in our immediate vicinity, regardless of where in the world we happen to have been ejected from someone's “man sack” or when.
We’re not so different, you and I. Psychologists like to categorize us into up to about a dozen categories. I hated that fact, but the more I learned, the more I saw the wisdom of it all.
Oh no, I’m not unique, and neither is my unique, magically calibrated soulmate! Despair not, dear one. There is good news in this terrible revelation.
My infallible reasoning offers hope
Wherever you happen to live, chances are excellent that you will find someone you like who also likes you - at the same time, no less!
If you move to another city, give it some time, and a new soulmate will manifest for you. Too easy? I agree.
Cross the world and spread roots on the opposite side of the world. Guess what? A soul mate is already waiting for you.
How about we narrow it down? Sure. In your school, office, park, … there’s bound to be someone you like and who also likes you. This happens to be the key.
Soul mates are made by kissing, talking, and sweating
Give it some time, and behold the miracle! They have manifested out of thin air. You haven’t noticed them before. Only now, upon coupling a few times, have you allowed the stars to shine their neon signs, revealing the secret soulmate plan.
Coitus will be had, babies will spring into life, and you, too, will have your happy ever after unless you sign up to Tinder or Instagram and drink on your after-work expeditions with semi-attractive, but so very convenient, coworkers. “Pst, they’ll never find out!” Eliminate those snake’s apples, and the odds shoot for the stratosphere. No, I don’t have any data corroborating this. I’m making things up. It’s also true. I think. Maybe. Whatever.
Did you know that people whose marriages were arranged by their parents often said they grew to love their partners despite not falling in love with them at first sight? Some even actively disliked them and resented their fate. Familiarity, exposure, and time spent together will do that to two people.
We grow to love people who treat us well and show us affection, even if they don’t ignite our pants the moment we smell their armpits. It’s a curious thing, I know. But that’s good news, friends.
It means that once you give up on your silly idea of some perfect mate that doesn’t exist and stop judging people needlessly, a world of opportunities opens up for you. It’s like when a man drinks five beers in a bar, and all the ugly chicks miraculously disappear.
What’s the modern version of this? Ah, of course! When you stop swiping left and actually swipe right more often than not, even if the profiles on the app are just “meh.” Suddenly you start talking to some prospects, go on some dates, and before you know it, you’re making up an origin story of how you met to tell your family because you’re too embarrassed to admit you met online. Ask me how I know.
Do you even need a soulmate to be happy?
This, dear friends, is a much more potent question. The answer is unequivocal, decisive, clear as day, yes, and now you know you've done fucked up!
I'm just kidding. No, you don’t. In fact, I’ve now demonstrated it so convincingly that it has reshaped your whole worldview and then some. Right? Right.
Do you want to hear another of my radical opinions?
Not only is the idea of a soulmate impossible, impractical, and nonsensical, but it is also harmful to your happiness
If you are searching for your perfect soulmate, you’ll be searching forever.
If you expect the perfect human on the other side of the relationship, you’ll be eternally disappointed.
Perfect people don’t exist, and neither do perfect relationships
Putting them on a pedestal will only ruin the chances of having good relationships with imperfect people full of love, compassion, warmth, trust, and acceptance. And yes, there are some compromises, troubles, and challenges. It’s called life, remember? Besides, even in fairytales, there is some adversity before the happy ending. Embrace it as part of the game, and don’t shy away from it.
It’s not some divine intervention that guarantees a happy marriage, family, or love life. It’s you and only you. Once you are ready, “the one” will magically appear. Not because they were there the whole time, but because you couldn’t see them.
Remember: It’s never the other people’s fault, it’s always us!
Give up on the ideal of a “perfect soulmate,” and you’ll be bathing in possible candidates to have fun, fall in love with, and maybe even create a family. Open your eyes - they’re everywhere!
But, as I promised, I won’t force you. You can wait alone, lonely, and miserable, judging everyone you meet as unworthy of your holy ass, and “in the meantime,” buy a cat or five. Of course, you can always choose the patch of the “eternally single,” there is nothing wrong with that, but I must ask: Why the hell are you reading about soulmates then?
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