This Mentality Helped Me Relax In Job Interviews
How to be stress-free, without anxiety and relaxed on a job interview? Impossible, you say? Not exactly. Allow me to show you.
70 plus job interviews under my belt
I’ve applied to north of five hundred job openings and attended roughly seventy job interviews. It’s probably more, but who’s counting? Lesson number one from this information alone is that I’m not the person to be asking about how to get a job!
I’ve always tried to jump fields and challenge myself in different roles, ones I had no previous experience in. It’s not a smart career move, but we are who we are. I get bored out of my mind doing repetitive work and can’t for the life of me understand why people settle for the same job from the age of twenty until retirement.
Don’t you grow and change in the meantime? Don’t you want to learn new things? I think the culprit is fearing change. Yeah, I don’t do that one. I always want something new, not old. I know the old, and there is a reason I don’t do that anymore. Hence, I always struggle with getting a new job—I start at the beginning!
Experience breeds understanding
While I can’t tell you how to get the job you want, I can show you how to prepare mentally for the job interview and be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Do you even know what that looks and feels like?
You are at your best when:
You are calm, at peace, relaxed, and confident.
You accept all possible outcomes and understand that you don’t control the results of the job interview, only your part in it.
You can think clearly. When you talk and act at your peak performance, and for that, you can’t be under stress, afraid, or anxious.
You don’t care about what happens in the slightest! This is key.
A job interview is a stressful affair
Your very future depends on this one performance. Often, so does your livelihood and that of your family.
You’re effectively selling yourself to a prospective employer. Like a cheap whore, you’re offering your goods, seducing people in power, and offering the sacrifice of the most precious thing in this world. One you will never get back - your time.
Unless you’re a specialist with unique skills or actively being head-hunted, you’re not the one in control - the employer has all the power. This doesn’t feel good, and when combined with an uncertain future, it causes immense stress.
You control very few things in this process, yet this is where your whole focus should be. First, let’s talk about what you can’t control and have no power over.
You can’t control whether you will be hired or not in this job interview
Yes, you will do your best to convince them you’re the perfect candidate for the job, but ultimately, the decision is theirs, and there is nothing you can do about it. Make peace with this fact.
You can be the most qualified candidate, but if you don’t “vibe” with the interviewer, you won’t get the job. Fair, unfair is beside the point.
You can be the perfect match for their team and the position itself, but if they don’t see you as such, you won’t get the job. You can’t know who or what they want.
You can be completely overqualified, but they may hate that about you (for various reasons).
You can know all the answers beforehand, but won’t remember a thing on the interview itself.
The questions and the people you encounter in any job interview are random and essentially a lottery. You can’t win the best combination and excel, or you can hit a wall, and there is nothing you can do about it.
What can you control during a job interview?
You can prepare yourself. Read about the company, job, and whatever requirements it may entail. Gather the information, and even though you probably won’t get to show off what you’ve learned, at least you’ve done all you can.
You show up on time, looking and feeling good, relaxed, and positive, and do your best.
That’s more or less all that you can do.
The best mindset going into a job interview
We’re all at our best when we are relaxed, calm, and confident, and we don’t care about the result of what we’re doing, but we remain grounded in the present moment, focused on the task at hand. This is the goal. But how do you get there?
How can you relax when your future depends on this job interview?
How can you not care about the result when you really want this job?
How can you be confident when you don’t know what will happen, what the job is, your competition, and how others will perceive you?
First, let’s make something clear
No matter how much you want this job. No matter how much you need it. No matter how hard you have worked in preparation for the job interview. No matter how much you believe, you are the best candidate for the job. None of that matters.
None of that has any influence on the odds of you getting your job. None of that will help you secure this job. None of that will make a difference to what will happen at that job interview. None of that will make a difference in the end.
There are a million variables you just don’t know, can’t predict, prepare for, or control. You just can’t. Worrying over them won’t make any difference. It won’t force the universe to give you this job, much less the employer.
All you can do is prepare, show up to the job interview, do your best, and let go of the results.
Understand and accept that it’s a numbers game and random from your point of view
Maybe you’ll get the job, maybe you won’t. Statistically, 99% of applicants won’t. You could do everything right and still not get the job. That’s just life, and it’s okay.
If you didn’t get this job, you didn’t fail. You’re not unworthy of it. The Gods aren’t conspiring against you. You’re not a loser, and this is not the end of the world.
I’m not talking about the subject of mind over matter in this article. Subscribe to Master the Mind—Master the World to explore that side of the equation. Here, we’re talking about reducing the stress of the job interview and giving you the best chance of performing well in this stress-inducing situation.
Accept that you can’t control or predict what will be the result of this job interview
Utterly, fully, completely accept that it is out of your hands. It’s the truth. All you can do is the best you can, whatever that will look like, and that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. The rest is out of your hands.
If they’ll like you, they will. If they won’t, they won’t.
If you’re a good match, you’ll advance to the next step. If not, this job interview is the end.
If the job interview goes well, it will. If it won’t, it won’t.
If you get the job, you will. If you won’t, you won’t.
Choose to believe that the result of the job interview has already been determined and is out of your hands
In the article, This One Idea Helped Me Overcome Paralyzing Fear and Anxiety I talk about deliberately choosing to believe that the future has already been written. While I don’t generally believe in fate or predestination, I find incredible peace flowing over me when I give in to this idea. Yes, it’s a choice and you can selectively apply it to where you need to find such inner peace.
The main idea is that whatever will happen during this job interview has already been determined, wisely throughout, and is already done. No one can change that anymore. Whatever will be, will be, no matter what anyone does now. So let it be. Let it happen, what is meant to happen, what is already determined and done. What no one and nothing can change anymore. If they’ll like you, they will. If they won’t, they won’t. There is nothing you can do to alter that.
All of it has already been determined by a billion factors you can’t see or influence. You’re just along for the ride but can’t affect the outcome anymore. Feel how your sense of responsibility has dissipated, and relief has set in. You can’t fuck up because whatever will happen was always going to happen. You can’t convince them to like you if they never would have.
If the job is yours, you can’t lose it
Another mental model you can adopt is that of the right things for the right people at the right time. If this job is meant for you, you can’t lose it, no matter what happens during the job interview.
If this job is not meant for you, you can’t get it, no matter what you do. Furthermore, you don’t want it as it would result in a bad experience and disappointment.
With this mental model, you are simply surrendering to the flow of life, trusting that you’ll find your place in this universe when the time is right. There is no need to give it religious, metaphysical, or magical properties, but it helps with conviction.
If you’re meant to get this job, you’ll get it. If this job is the right fit for you and you for it, you’ll get it. If not, then there is nothing you can do about it, and you don’t even want it. You’ll just wait for the right one to come along, as it surely will.
If you don’t get the job after this job interview, it’s not the end of the world
I know it sucks. Boy, does it suck, but that’s just a part of life. Sometimes we get what we want, and sometimes we don’t. 99% of people won’t get this job. Maybe you’ll be the one who does, or perhaps today, someone else will be lucky.
Not getting a job after a job interview is not your failure! Get that out of your mind. The sooner you shake it off, the better. Your “job” is to apply, show up, introduce yourself, and if you get the job, become good at it, and if you don’t get it, move on to the next one.
Learn to fail faster and get back up even faster. Start by reframing failure as learning. You either win, or you learn. It’s a win-win from this perspective. I know many people get discouraged after underperforming in a job interview. It happened to me as well. As you can probably imagine, my skin is thicker now, but it wasn’t always.
The more you want this job, the more you need it, the more painful it will be if you don’t get it. Detachment also helps you move on, not just in your performance during the job interview.
Take the following mentality, and you’ll find relief after setbacks
There are literally millions upon millions of jobs out there. There is always another one. There are millions upon millions of potential employers, partners, and teammates who might like you and would be happy working with you.
You only need one opportunity, one job, and one person to like you. That’s all. Not a million, thousand, hundred, or even two—just one among eight billion people!
These people are also looking for you. They want you. Exactly you, with all your skills, character, and flaws. They’re out there. You just have to find each other. Always remember that you are someone’s answer to a problem, but you may not be that for the person who is present at the job interview.
New opportunities are opening up daily. Take the risks! Anything can happen at any time. The right job will find you once you and they are ready. It’s only a matter of time. It can happen today, or it may take some time.
Don’t take rejection on a job interview personally. It’s not. You just weren’t a match for their specific desires, preferences, and expectations. Do you like everyone? Would you work any job? Would you hire anyone, date them, or be friends with them? No. It’s their right to pick who they hire and like, as is yours. You will never be able to satisfy everyone’s wishes. That’s just not possible - let that desire go and focus on finding your tribe!
Understand and accept the worst-case scenario before going on the job interview
This may sound counterintuitive, but it’s not. The only way to overcome fear is to understand it, and the best way to know fear is to face it directly. Take a piece of paper and write out this fear regarding not getting the job or performing poorly in the job interview.
Go into details. Find out what exactly you are afraid of. Determine if that is something worth worrying about (it never is). Examine this fear in detail. Script out the worst-case scenario and try to answer these questions:
If this worst-case scenario happens in the worst possible way - is it the end of the world?
What exactly will happen?
What are my options, then?
How will I survive?
Visualize the worst-case scenario happening. Live through this worst-case scenario so that you will know exactly what can happen, how it would feel, and what you would do if it happened. The scariest part of any fear-related topic is not knowing. So “die before you die,” and you’ll be able to live your best life.
Realistically, you’ll find out that not getting this job won’t be the end of this world. It may suck, set you back and introduce some financial struggles, but you won’t starve or die. Whatever happens - you can and will deal with it to the best of your ability, and that is all anyone can ever ask of you. Learn to care less about the future, and your anxiety and fears will lose their power over you.
Who is the candidate that consistently excels in any job interview (all other things equal)?
Is it the best candidate on paper? Is it the most confident candidate? Is it the best-looking one? The most educated one? The best prepared?
Here’s a little secret for you: the person who will always perform the best on any job interview and thus have the best odds of getting the job, all things equal, is the one who doesn’t need it!
In the article Indifference Is King, When Confidence Is Absent, I explain this dynamic from a psychological standpoint. We all get more of what we already have. We can get metaphysical with this, but there is no need.
Even from a strictly psychological perspective, the candidate who already has a good job and is satisfied with it or doesn’t need it because he is financially free will always outperform everyone who desperately wants or needs the job. Why?
Because they’ll be relaxed, calm, funny, and confident, and since they don’t care about the outcome of the job interview, they’ll emit the energy of having the job already.
The employer will look at them, figuratively smell their happiness and confidence, and want them on their team. Not to mention that any candidate who is appreciated by other employers will automatically be more valuable in the eyes of the competition. It’s purely an animal instinct thing.
So, if you don’t already have a job that you like and are not in a position where you don’t need the job, you have to fake those emotions and mindset!
How do you fake it and feel as if you don’t need the job?
Based on all the things we talked about in this article,
By accepting that you can’t control what will happen.
By accepting that the result of this interview is out of your hands.
By accepting that if this is the right job for you, you can’t lose and if it’s not, you don’t want it.
By detaching from wanting the job or needing it.
By trusting that what is meant to happen will happen and there is nothing you can do about it.
By understanding that it is ultimately a randomness-ruled numbers game, where there is one winner and hundreds of losers on every job opening.
By controlling all that you can control (preparation, showing up, doing your best with the best mindset and inner peace), and ultimately letting go of everything you can’t control (if they like you, how you do on the job interview, who they will eventually choose).
You don’t achieve this state of mind by trusting in your confidence or boosting it. You either have that, or you don’t, I’m afraid. You achieve it by detaching from the results, giving zero f*ks, and simply doing your best while feeling good. This will provide you with the best odds of doing well on this job interview, and that is all that you control.
There is immense strength in accepting that all we control is our mind and immediate actions, not the circumstances and happenings of life. I’m sure that by now, you understand this lesson and have realized that worrying and stressing about the job interview will only make matters worse, never better. So why worry? It doesn’t help, and it won’t change what will happen anyway.
If you embody this mentality, job interviews will not only become much less stressful for you but might even become fun. Now, wouldn’t that be cool?
If you have any advice for job seekers entering a job interview or would like to share some fun stories from your job interviews, I would love to read them in the comments.
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